Up the Drama
by Riley Stevens
Summary: This is a Kurt centric AU. He returns for junior year a changed man; He lives for fun and is in your face about it. He's living his life his way and isn't apologizing for the new attitude. Kurt/Brit/Santana friendship. Read more inside...
1. Chapter 1

Up the Drama

**A/N: This is a Glee AU I've been holding onto for a while, it starts after 'Journey' (s1 finale). It will touch on the canon here and there. It reflects a very exaggerated version of the characters. My spelling may tend to lean toward that of the British at times; forgive me.  
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**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee nor do I own any characters other than any OC's I may choose to feature**

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**Lyric = _italics_  
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><p><strong>Chapter 1<strong>

I sat in the choir room thinking about how regardless of how much I wanted us to kick Vocal Adrenalin butt; Kurt Hummel would survive the loss; we had fun, made new friends and gave it our all. I was sad that this was where it ended but I would have a truly amazing summer at cheer leading camp.

\(00,\) (/00,)/

After checking that I had everything- my camcorder included. I hopped into the back of my baby and let dad drive her for a change. I could feel that this summer was going to change my view on life.

"Lady Lips, you're late!" Coach Sylvester screech through her bullhorn.

"We only had to be here at 10 and it's only 9:30"

"Well get on the bus and stop sassing me"

I shrugged and hopped onto the crowded bus, Brittany was patting the seat beside her, waving frantically and shouting 'Dolphin' over and over. When I sat down Santana gave me a glare that made my testicles retreat.

"Hello ladies, are we excited or what"

"Excited" Brittany screamed getting up to dance on the seat.

"Or what" mumbled a grumpy Santana.

"Hey Twiddle-Dee-Dumb, just because I gave that sponge haired freak another year for that god forsaken club of yours does NOT mean I will tolerate singing!" Couch screeched whilst Becky gave them 'You tell 'em girlfriend' looks with head action that would put Mercedes to shame. Upon hearing the news I sent a text blast to all of my fellow Gleeks.

**Sue just said glee is still on for next year!**

After receiving texts of both surprise and ululation Rachel sent out a second blast.

**In order to beat VA we need to write our own songs, work on them all summer.**

**PS don't tell Mr Schue (it's a surprise)**

She wanted us to write music… people wouldn't do that unless…

**If you write it you sing it!**

That got positive reviews from every one! I was glad Coach made me bring my keyboard; I had the perfect idea for a song! I immediately pulled out a notebook and started jotting down lyrics.

\(00,\) (/00,)/

We got to a deserted camp ground at around 9pm; the drive to Lake Winnebago, Missouri was long and we wanted to sleep like crazy but we needed to get room assignments first. Room assignments were a bit of pickle when they wanted me to room with a rival male cheerleader but Coach would have none of that and told them I was 'probably the most female person at camp' which made me blush like crazy. As a result I wound up rooming with Santana; she threatened to castrate me if there was any 'funny' business.

I sat doing a slightly extended version of my skin care routine to account for the humid Missouri air.

"Lady," Santana said softly in a very humble tone.

"Yes"

"What does it feel like?" there was a long pause as I tried to figure out what she meant, "to be out there in the open… you know the whole gay thing".

"Oh, it's just less tiring because there is no more lying or pretending," I looked back at her hurt face, "how's about we discuss this over a facial, my treat!"

"How can I say no to your gay baby hands?" a smile spreading across her beautiful face.

"How do you feel about Brittany?" Santana pretended she hadn't heard me, "I know, you look at her the way I once stupidly looked at Finn"

"What did you see in that buffoon? His penis is tiny!"

"I was so lonely, I had no one looking to get into my pants and I began to confuse my desire to be loved and my ideal boyfriend with what was in front of me" I said feeling pathetic "You know I wrote him a song… well it's more for old me, it's about how stupidly I behaved, I'll sing it first meeting back".

"Wow at first when I heard about the song I thought 'stalker' but I get it" she paused, "do you know what I feel the new you should be?" I shrugged, truly intrigued by what she might know about me, "A bitchy headstrong version of old Kurt; you were half way there but now say what you think out loud!"

"I don't know I don't want to hurt anyone"

"Remember April Rhodes? She was a hit at school because she wasn't afraid to go for what she wanted. She slept with the right people and now she's on Broadway" Santana smirk growing ever so slightly "I'm not saying whore yourself around BUT don't down play your talent"

"I have never down played my talent!" lying to myself.

"I heard you hit that note from Defying Gravity that afternoon in the choir room and again when you did that gay song in the auditorium after that terrible Mellencamp song" She said as I applied the citrus scented mask to her face.

"I thought I was doing the right thing, protecting my dad" I said in barely a whisper.

"Your father is a grown ass man; he can take care of himself!"

"You are right, this is my last two years before I leave for Harvard!" I said defiantly; squaring my shoulders I sat next to Santana "I'm going to have some fun!"

"That's more like it! Now I saw some hot male cheerleaders who's pants we need to get into" she said kissing me on the cheek "Goodnight Kurt"

"Goodnight Santana"

\(00,\) (/00,)/

"Good morning Coach" I sad slyly winking at Santana, "I know that we've only spent 3 hours in the gym but I have the perfect routine and I was hoping to work on it with Santana and Brittany by the lake"

"I'm not surprised Lady, this is why your cheer captain waiting to happen" She almost smiled but then gave me a death glare, "Don't disappoint me!"

"I won't fall pregnant"

"Good, be gone"

I went and grabbed my two lovely ladies by the arm and went to go flirt with the all-boys squad by lake. Dressed in leggings and my printed exercise t-shirts we walked down to the beach. Brittany, Santana and I donning our 'This t-shirt disappears when I'm… bored', 'Out of Your league' and 'Byte me' t-shirts respectively. We laid down our yoga mats as if in preparation for exercise; we started stretching seductively in many sexually inviting positions. The boy's from the Olympians (the all-boys squad) stopped practicing their lifts to watch Brittany put her legs on me and Santana's shoulder- successfully executing a split. A couple of brave boys approached us as I was bending over and giving the whole squad a view of my derrière.

"Hi boy's" I said from between my legs.

"Hmmm" they all said.

"To what do we owe this pleasure?" Santana said in a sultry airy voice.

"Well, we wanted to introduce ourselves to the camps finest" one of the boys finally managed.

"If you really want to get to know us then you should come by cabin 7 after lights out and we'll let you watch us make out" Brittany said grabbing Santana and planting a heated kiss that I'm sure made at least 5 of the boys prematurely ejaculate.

"And if you're really good; we'll let you join" I added kissing Santana deeply whilst Brittany planted sweet kisses on my neck. We turned, got our mats and left.

"Wait we promised coach a routine and we just got our sweet lady kisses on instead".

"Yea, coach will be mad and give me a time out" Brit said sounding scared.

"You remember Thre3 by Brittany?"

"Yea, it's after 2" Brittany said sounding proud of herself.

"I get your wavelength; 3 part harmony?"

"I'm surprised we only just became friends" I smiled at how similar I was to the girls. We started working on our choreography; it took about 5 minutes to have a full routine. My iPhone started vibrating- a text from Cedes

**Hey boo, hope you're having fun camp. Need your help with my song!**

I smiled; glad to see that she was as excited about this assignment as I was.

**Back in 4 days, TTYL 3**

\(00,\) (/00,)/

When the lights went out Brittany waited 5 minutes before knocking on Santana and my door.

"Well, I hope those dorks show up; Kurt needs to get his mack on!" Santana said with her flirty eyes.

"Tana is totally right! Lord Tubington has been telling me the same thing," Brit said smiling sweetly, "He said 'Brit, find your Dolphin a dolphin'" changing her voice when saying the cats part.

"I'm glad he cares" was all I could muster when there was a knock at our door, "show time" I whispered dressed in a set of skimpy silk pajamas. Santana adjusted her bra whilst Brittany just took her pants off leaving her in a bunny t-shirt and a pair of lacy boy legs.

"Who is it?" Santana said with that sultry airy tone returning. We opened the door to find a group that had swelled to 30 boys standing there; cell phones in hand.

"Come in boys" said Brittany in an equally sexy voice.

"You just missed our pillow fight" I said gesturing to the carefully destroyed pillows, "But you are just in time for our pre-sleep make-out session"

"It's just after we break for popsicles" Brittany said opening Santana's cooler bag "Aw, only 1 left"

"Guess we'll just have to share" Santana said removing the wrapper and beginning to lick the sides of the cylindrical strawberry treat with me and Brittany doing the same on either side of the popsicle. The room was silent except for heavy breathing and the shutter of cameras. Santana then stopped her licking the popsicle and started making out with Brittany which was received with a few moans; I took this opportunity to deep-throat the popsicle (Santana taught me how earlier), a couple of the boys responded by ejaculating whilst other continued moan.

"You got little popsicle on your neck," perfect! Just the opportunity I wanted.

"Oh, will anyone help me with that?" I said in a voice I'd picked up from Paris Hilton. The moment the words left my lips a group of boys were on their feet, "You" I said smirking whilst pointing at one heck of a beefcake. He slowly started sucking on my neck with a sexually hunger like no other and enough force to leave a hickey. Brittany gave me a thumbs-up with her eyes.

"What's a lady sandwich without a little man-meat?" Santana said grabbing one of the boys by the hand and wedging him between Brittany and herself.

"much better" Brittany said grinding against the boys crotch, he began to breath shallowly and was gone within a minute. I was done with the stallion who wanted to put his lips all over me; I teased him then suddenly as he was getting close- I yawned loudly, "Well, goodnight boys" I said.

"Sleep tight" Santana said covering herself and stepping away from the gentlemen she had become sandwiched between.

"Don't let the bed-bugs bite" we said opening the door for them. We burst into a crazy case of the giggles when the last of them was gone. This summer would rock.

\(00,\) (/00,)/

The summer was indeed eventful, it was filled with fun days at the mall, a week in Florida with all my favorite Lady-friends, Nights out drinking and a lot of song writing. A couple of the songs I wrote had to get the boot but other than that I had four perfect songs. I was excited about Junior year, it was my year- no more delusions just the stone cold truth!

"Hey Fancy, I got you something" David Karofsky said with an evil grin on his all too familiar face. I smiled looked him in the eye taking only a second to glance at the Cherry slushy in his hand.

"A slushy for me? You shouldn't have" I said unfazed.

"Well, I did" he said before I snatched it out of his hand replacing his grin with a look of horror. I took a large gulp of crushed ice, flavoring and Red dye no.7.

"Hmm… Cherry my favorite" I said turning on my heels, "Pity you didn't get me a straw". Left with his mouth flapping open and closed Karofsky took a straw out of his pocket and just watched as I walked away.


	2. Chapter 2

Up the Drama

**A/N: I just had to put** **Harmony** **in the story earlier. I'd like to thank the people who added this to their favorite stories. I made Kurt's dad exceedingly rich but down to ****to account for all the traveling in upcoming chapters.** **Hope you enjoy!**

Chapter 2

"Loving the results of your 'summer surgery'" I said admiring the girl's breasts as we walked down the hall, "How much bigger are they?"

"A cup size bigger, Kelly Rowland had one and that was when I found out that she was the girl to Beyoncé's left" Santana said.

"What will couch think?"

"I'm hoping she won't notice"

"You think she'll assume that you've got some water balloons under there?" I said with a snicker, Santana just rolled her eyes. "Don't worry you are her go to girl, she won't kick you off the squad".

"You ready for another year?" Santana asked as we stood outside the choir room before the first glee meeting of the year.

"Honestly?" I was shifting from side to side.

"Yep, lying is bad for your teeth" Brittany said smiling sweetly.

"Brit, Tana, I guess It's time to up the drama!"

"How we do" Brittany said with a giggle. We were among the last to arrive leaving Mr Schue, Finn and surprisingly Rachel missing. We seated ourselves at the back and waited to begin another year in the New Directions; I hope Rachel managed to convince Mr Schue of her original song idea.

"…it would put us above the rest" I heard an all too familiar voice say "and it would teach the less talented members that they may still have a chance as song writers"

"Enough Rachel, I'm not convinced that this is a good idea but I'll let you give it a try" Mr Schue said as he ran his hands through his faux JT Fro. "Welcome to another year in the New Directions; glad to see you all here".

"I agree, you'd think that embarrassing last place finish at regionals would have discouraged most of you" Santana said fiddling with her hair.

"I know; I was hoping Rachel had transferred to Carmel, but once there she wouldn't be the centre on attention" Brittany said whilst moving her finger back and forth in an attempt to hypnotize herself, "I'm disappointed but Lord Tubbington did say this would be a challenge".

"Mr Schue, if I may?" All he could manage after the attack of the Cheerios was a tired nod. "I hate to say this but Rachel's proposition at the beginning of summer was a good idea" I took a break to ensure that my hair was still perfectly quaffed. "Original songs would bring our song selections to the present and make our performances more personal!"

"Who wrote a song?" Mr Schue asked in an uninterested voice; everyone's hands shot up, "Who'd like to show case their composition?" All of the hands except mine and Rachel's went down.

"Rachel should go first; I need to muster the appropriate emotions in order to deliver a performance that will match the caliber of my song's excellence" Rachel nodded and put an iPod dock on the piano.

"I had a musical accompaniment arranged already" she said smiling, note to self: compliment her effort with the bangs. "I read somewhere that the song should be about something close to you, I chose something I see all the time;"

She began to sing and I was thought 'this isn't bad for a first try.

There you rest  
>With all the rest<br>Of my accessories on my night stand

At first that bit about her night stand threw me off and I shrugged it off thinking I'd misheard her.

You're red or yellow  
>And like a good fellow<br>Sometimes you get lost in my mess

But when schoolgirl pigtails won't do,  
>And I need to control my do,<br>You're the only one I can count on

What is this song about a hairstylist or Finn. Mercedes and I just exchanged looks of confusion.

My headband  
>You're my headband<br>Wrapped right around my melon  
>You're a product like Magellan...<p>

"Oh, hell to the no! why is she singing about a headband?" Mercedes asked saving me the trouble.

"I liked it!" Brittany said whilst trying to recall the lyrics.

"It was catchy, we can give you that… nothing more" Tina said whilst making googly-eyes at Mike- didn't she end things with Artie this morning?

"I think that was rubbish, if my ears don't recover then I'm suing." Santana said with pain audible in her voice. Finn (who walked in during the performance) immediately came to his girlfriend's defense.

"Well Santana, where is your song? Or are your intentions still to bring down the club?" he said with such pride you'd swear he just saved an old lady from old taffy.

"Isn't 'intentions' too big a word for you? Compensating for something?" Santana said fiddling with her pinkie- I was fighting so hard not burst into hysteric laughter.

"Wanky," I said prompting the onslaught of laughter laced with malice.

"Kurt, let's hit it!" she winked and I knew it was time to bring the house down. "Brit you still remember the dance?"

"Yea practiced every day in the sewer" she said smiling

"Our song is about human nature. I wrote it, Lady Gay-pants did the music and Brit did choreography"

"I also did the dancing"

I started the music on my iPod; it was thick with bass and a very club pop vibe. Brittany and I started singing the backing vocals.

Rub that glitter and grease around  
>Rub that glitter and grease around<br>Rub that glitter and grease around  
>Grease around<p>

Santana joined in the singing and we started rubbing our hands all over each other.

Rub that glitter and grease around  
>Rub that glitter and grease around<br>Rub that glitter and grease around  
>Grease around<p>

Santana took the leading vocals.

Hot shit in Brooklyn  
>Painted green watermelon<br>That guy's ride is good lookin', good lookin'  
>He tells me that he loves me<br>And even though I'm real sexy  
>He loves his car, car, car<br>He's always with his car, car, car

So, I rub that glitter and grease around  
>Rub that glitter and grease around<br>Rub that glitter and grease around, grease around

Rub that glitter and grease around  
>Rub that glitter and grease around<br>Rub that glitter and grease around, grease around

Knock it, pump it, wash it, bump it (Rub that glitter and grease around)  
>Rub that glitter and grease, he loves it (Rub that glitter and grease around)<br>He's so fine, he makes her shiny (Rub that glitter and grease around)  
>There's more glitter and grease behind me (Rub that glitter and grease around)<p>

Rub that glitter and grease around  
>Rub that glitter and grease around<br>Rub that glitter and grease around, grease around.

"That was hot" Matt said.

"You speak?" Brittany said with surprise.

"Focus, we just we just out-performed Rachel" I said reminding her that this was our moment; sure we're more talented but the opportunity rarely presents itself.

"Don't you think that song is too sexual for show choir?" Mr Schue asked in a patronizing tone.

"Not really" Santana said popping her gum.

"I think they brought it!" Mercedes said winking at us. "The style is something only the queen of pop could pull off but they made it work!".

"That was hot! There is nothing wrong with it" Artie said with his hands on his lap, sitting awkwardly.

"Well is there anyone else? We've got enough time for one more performance" Mr Schue asked ignoring the positive reception of our performance. "Yes, Rachel".

"As amazing as that reprise of '1, 2, 3way' was I think we need to get more numbers" she said as everyone stared at her in complete awe, "Vocal Adrenaline and Aural Intensity had numbers and with Puck not returning we need the new voices"

"Puck's in Juvie" Mr Schue said nonchalantly.

"Hot" Santana and I said simultaneously. Then my mind caught up with my mouth "wait what? It's not a violent crime was it?"

"No," the bell chimed its monotonous drone, "That's it for today, Find new members and work on your songs".

"Kurt, can I speak to you?" Rachel said softly.

"You can but may you?"

"Please" she said pleading with her eyes, I turned and faced her giving her my best 'Bitch I'm waiting' look, "I saw your little performance on YouTube, and might I say I'm disappointed in you"

"Okay, I don't know what you're talking about; I didn't post anything on YouTube"

She pulled out her Sidekick and started clicking away "I know your talent doesn't match mine"

"It surpasses it but make your point!" I was now on my 'Bitch please' look.

"Well, someone of that level of talent wouldn't pull a 'One Night in Paris' in order to get ahead" she said and then I heard Santana cooing before I saw anything; I immediately saw red. I grabbed the bedazzled phone and strutted to the cafeteria.

"Santana, did you post this?" I said with the threat of murder lingering in my voice.

"NO!" she said with a look of mortification and soda spraying from her nose, "1, 2, 3way? I didn't think they'd put it on the net" but her voice wasn't laced with anger but rather amusement. She burst out laughing, falling to the ground, clutching her stomach and holding onto the table- I couldn't resist joining her- by then every member of New Directions had taken out their phone and looked up the video. As I recomposed myself, I remembered a very important conversation with my dad.

"My dad said if Glitter and Grease didn't make the set-list" I began

"Which it didn't" Rachel reminded us.

"Anyway," I said rolling my eyes, "He said we could use it on the national campaign for the grand opening of the '50th Hummel Tire & Lube'"

"Oh-my-gosh did you guys finally get one in Alaska?" Mercedes asked sounding excited.

"No, he's opening a second one in Texas" I replied as she started tossing the tots back, "I think Houston".

"Oh, was the one in Austin that popular?" She asked with her plate of tots being replenished by Artie; I nodded.

"Are we going to get paid?" Santana asked looking very keen.

"If he pays us then we can't participate in Glee club competitions but we can make cool demands for our dressing rooms" I said.

"Can I be an extra?" Mercedes and Tina said in unison.

"Me too" Mike, Arte and Mike said as well; Artie and Mike turned to scowl at each other.

"Since you understood the artistry of our song as opposed to just writing it off without listening to us" I said prompting everyone to glare at Rachel, "Sure! Hey, wait a second, where's Quinn?"

"Last I saw of her she was heading toward-" Santana was cut off by the intercom

"Santana Lopez and Kurt Hummel to coach Sylvester's office now" was heard all through the cafeteria; everyone turned to stare.

"They obviously haven't seen hot people before" I stage whispered to Santana as we were leaving. "I wonder why coach would want to see us."

"I bet you it has something to do with that Fabray" Santana said with hate beaming from her eyes, "Why can't she just move to Canada or something?"

"They won't have her" I said offering my friend the support I knew she'd need.

"Sit down Lady and tramp," Coach said in her stone cold tone, "It has come to my attention that tramp here" she said gesturing to Santana, "Got a boob job over the summer, so I am removing her as head cheerleader and punishing her by suspending her tanning rights for a month" Santana started sobbing quietly, then Coach turned and stared at me, "You lady have refused to wear the uniform to school like the rest of the squad".

"I tried but it was eclipsing my sex-appeal"

"No such, No facials for a week!" I could feel the tears welling up like a dam waiting to break but I just shook them away.

"Quinn told you this, didn't she?" I snarled.

"Q has proven her allegiance is to me"

Then the warning bell sounded as we were leaving the office; Quinn was standing at her locker smirking when I slapped it clean off her face.

"You can't hit me." she said trying to get a go at me.

"Sure I can; it's called gender-equity" I said laughing melodically.

"Or did you get yourself knocked up again?" Santana said shoving her into the locker. "Hey, let's put her in a port-o-potty".

"Now that is a plan" I said pining Quinn to her locker, "Grab her arms but beware she's flexible from child birth". We had her and we were almost out of the door when Mr Schue had to stop us.

"What is wrong with you? What happened to sticking together like a family?" he said on his moral high-horse.

"She has a family with her lizard baby" Santana said shoving Quinn onto me when I side-stepped and let her hit the door.

"And in families the adult doesn't have favorites" I said with Santana adding a Rachel-cough and Finn-sneeze, "And sibling rivalry and pranking is perfectly normal; even I know that and I'm an only child".

"Preach," Santana said, "And BTW, if Quinn is old enough to have kids and back stab her friends then she's old enough to take care of herself".

"Like I had to when you ignored the fact that I was being thrown in the dumpster each morning" I could see that what I said had hurt Mr Schue, he looked like a kicked puppy.

"Let's go to the nurse Quinn" he said grabbing her by the shoulder, "I'm very disappointed in you two". As though queued we both flipped our hair and walked off.

\(00,\)(/00,)/

I sat in Journalism thinking about where I'd find a member for New Directions; I needed to clear my head.

"Where are you going Mr Hummel?" Mr Gray asked cocking his head at me.

"The ladies room" I said getting a giggle from the girls who were also suffering through the boring censorship lecture. I walked through the hall clutching my shoulder bag close to me; if I could sing where would I be? Choir room is too obvious… Library- that old bat's hearing aid was defective so you could be as loud as you want. I walked and much like I expected there was a big voice coming softly from the Elizabethan Literature section. I saw a girl that looked like a pretty, younger, better dressed, taller, more feminine Rachel!

"You also read Romeo & Juliet and insert the appropriate West Side Story song?" I asked startling her. She dropped the book on my foot.

"So sorry" She said in a voice that was anything but.

"Oh-my-Gaga! You're the… the Gerber Baby" I said in a moment of weakness. She blushed with fake modesty; I had her.

"My name's Harmony" She said with an out stretched hand, I reluctantly shook it.

"Kurt Hummel-"

"Of Hummel Tires & Lube; I recognize you from the adverts" she said now with actual modesty this time. "I saw you in the hallway but I wasn't sure if it was you, I have a poster of you in my bedroom"

"There are posters of me?" I said in awe of what appeared to be my biggest fan; she started dragging me off into the empty hallway.

"I'm not like in love with you but I admire you" She said, the bell rang and the halls were filled with students.

"I think you should join Glee club, and then I could teach you all I know" I said with a friendly wink. "You could meet some very interesting people that will ensure no character is out of your reach as an artist".

"I don't know…"

"I'll personally organize your audition number" I said but I could see she needed a push "Just like I did those adds".

"Sure" she said beaming- SCORE!

\(00,\)(/00,)/

**Tana, we should go see Puck later**

I was so bored with my physics class when I came up with that plan; started playing with Artie's note book when I let out giggle because the vibrate was tickling me.

**Sure, u+I, need to get him out**

I laughed looking at her across the room, she just rolled her eyes.

**I'm dropping this class l8r, I already have my credits**

She began choking on something; I giggled as Brittany rubbed circles on her back.

**Lucky cow =(**

\(00,\)(/00,)/

Prison is not a very glamorous place! Don't think it'll be better just because it's for kids- Baby GAP is just as bad as GAP and the same goes for prisons. After Santana and I suffered an inappropriate frisking; we entered the grey 'private' visiting room that had surveillance cameras which sort of defeated the purpose. Noah sauntered in looking disheveled and dejected; when he saw us he tried to put up a front but then just let it go and sat across the table silently.

"We won't tell anyone we saw you like this" I said reaching out to him with my eyes.

"Well that would be nice" he said regaining his confidence "What brings the whore and the not-so-virgin to see me?"

"Did you sleep with Puck?" Santana asked accusingly.

"No, I kind of asked him for advice and he assumed that it meant I was getting the deed done"

"Wait a second Princess, you didn't do it? Now I'm curious as to what united you two if not your shared lack of hymen?"

"Ew, that is disgusting! We want to rule McKinley and we need an in on the football team" I said "And we chose you".

"Why not Finn? You were so in love with him last year- ouch" He screeched as I put the Puckzilla in his place. "I'm in Juvie, I can't help you".

"My dad had the store owner retract the charges against you" Santana said slyly, "Something about herpes I think it was".

"Wait that means…"

"We'll be waiting in the parking lot" I said as we were getting up, we waved good bye to the guards and headed toward my baby.

"My dad offered to buy me a new car but I can't see myself parting from my darling" I said stroking the hood of my gorgeous car.

"It is an amazing car but you have to let go at some point" I thought about what Santana was saying- just like I'd out grown Barbie maybe the same was happening here.

"Noah," I said when he finally got into my baby, "First thing you need is a shower."

"If you're good we'll join you" Santana purred causing me to temporarily swerve into incoming traffic. "It was a joke Lady GayGay"

"I hope so, my basement may be soundproofed but my dad would find out some way and that would be the end of our relationship"

"This friendship is freaky on so many levels" Noah said as he lounged in the backseat.

"He clearly hasn't heard about '1, 2, 3way'" Santana said with a smirk on her face.

"We should get JBI to post it on his blog" I said in a sudden realization that nothing sells like sex.

"What are you-" Santana just thrust her Blackberry into his hands, Noah's eyes grew wide but they weren't all that grew. "Oh shit Princess that is some serious skill" he said as I parked in front of my house.

"I hope he means my parallel parking" I said fixing my hair.

\(00,\)(/00,)/

"Wind it back, you did what to Karofsky?" Noah said looking like further laughter would make his head explode.

"I grabbed his slushy and chugged it"

"Was this before or after you beat up Quinn" he asked with slight bitterness at the blonde's name.

"Before, Karofsky was first thing in the morning whereas Quinn was just after Lunch" Santana said patronizing the partly dressed Noah who was sitting on my dad's bed as I looked for something to cover his torso.

"You, Princess, are more bad ass than I ever thought you were!" he said pulling me onto his lap

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?" I turned to see my dad standing there baseball cap in hand and a fuming expression on his face.

"Dad-"

"WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS ON THE BED I SLEEP IN" he screamed sounding more like a whining 5 year old than an angry dad.

"I'm not doing anything! Remember Santana; we went to Florida with her"

"You guys went to Florida?" I kicked his shin.

"And this is Noah; who nailed our patio furniture to the roof" I said calmly and monotonously, "He was looking for something to wear because I couldn't bear to talk to him while he was in his prison clothes"

"you brought a criminal into my house?" dad managed in a less angry tone.

"No, the charges were dropped so he isn't really a criminal" Santana said sweetly, "You know Mr Hummel I respect you way too much to let anything more than platonic happen in this house"

"You should learn something from this lady" he said gesturing to Santana, it took all of me not to burst into crazy fits of laughter.

"Yes daddy," I said in my virgin voice, "and I thought about what you said and I think it is time to trade-up"

"Kurt Elizabeth Hummel, you are too fickle" he said smiling. When got back to the basement we all fell to the ground laughing.

"I don't think I'll ever get an erection ever again after that" Noah said between deep breaths.

"I'll never get over 'Elizabeth', ever" Santana said grabbing my closet door.

"It's a family name; every first born for the last eight generations of the Herrmann Family have had that name" they didn't seem impressed, "I let you both drive my baby – supervised- before I trade her in!" They both gave me a satisfied nod.

"I also want you print me a t-shirt, Lizzy" Santana said smirking.

"That's extortion!"

"I also want a t-shirt" Noah said cocking his head, "It should say 'Liz thinks I'm packing', okay?"

"I do not think you're 'packing' anything".

"Well, Liz" he said smiling, "I'm sure you do".

* * *

><p><strong>Songs used:<strong> My Headband - Glee (sung by Rachel)

Glitter & Grease- Lady Gaga (sung by Santana, Kurt & Brittany as an original song)


	3. Chapter 3

Up the Drama

**A/N: just a little touch of drama in this chapter. I introduce my first OC! Saeed is played by Alex Newell in my head so please give me some feed back on his character.**

**Chapter 3**

Noah, Santana and I walked into school looking like fresh sex: I was wearing my 'tighter-than-skin' black skinny jeans and navy tank top I personally printed 'Stop staring at my butt' on last night; Santana had her Freshman cheerios uniform on- it was tight around the bust and was so short that you could almost see the bottoms of her tights. Puck had an arm around each of our shoulders and was wearing the t-shirt I made for him.

"Puck, when did you get out of juvie" Mercedes asked with delight in her voice. We all pulled away from each other so I could have a nice Lady chat with 'Cedes and get her up to speed on our genius plan.

"Slutty Cheerio 1 and 2 sprung me last night." He said nonchalantly whilst subtly flexing his new prison muscle- if you thought Noah's arms were amazing before, well now they were certainly jizz worthy, "see you two at lunch" he said as he walked away leaving me standing with Mercedes, "You need to find Brittany and get her up to speed." He screamed back at Santana.

"While you go break up Finn and Rachel" Santana said with a humorous sass in her voice and posture.

"No, I'm going to talk to coach about football" he said heading towards the locker room.

"Okay white boy," She said giving me a look that made me shudder, similar to the one I got before she bust my window, "What on god's green earth do you have planned with those two?"

"What do you have first lesson?" I said with a mischievous smile on my face.

"Engl-"

"Perfect" I said dragging her toward the door and out to the back parking lot. "I'm trading my baby in" I said breaking the long-drawn silence.

"Why? You love her" she said with what seemed to be genuine worry for the first time in a while.

"Moving up in the world!" I said shrugging off the emotions that were coming up to the surface, "Did you know that Lima's only gay bar doesn't close?" she shook her head.

"No, I didn't know Lima had a gay bar, but what does that have to do with your baby?"

"We're taking a cab because I couldn't bear to drive her for the last time today" I said smiling, "We are going for a morning drink!"

"But what about school? And glee?" She said in her maternal voice.

"We'll be back in time for lunch" I said pushing her into the back of the black sedan.

"But we'll be drunk!" she said, now sounding panicked, "This is the influence of Puck!" now looking like she would start breathing fire.

"No, Noah had nothing to do with this" I said cheerfully.

"Oh, 'Noah' is just so innocent" she said placing the appropriate air bunnies in place. I know she was genuinely concerned for my wellbeing.

"You sound like my dad when he found us in bed except he was more concerned that it was his bed" I said casually trying to inject more fun because for people who were going to get a drink this trip was pretty depressing.

"You had sex with him?" she screamed shaking my shoulders so much I thought my brain would blow like a can of soda.

"No, I didn't even kiss him" I said checking my hair as I slid out of the car. "He was giving me a noogie because I beat up Quinn" I said handing the cabbie his money.

"Why did you do that anyway?"

"What?"  
>"To Quinn…"<p>

"She betrayed us to get reinstated as head-cheerleader, we had to teach her a lesson" I said walking into the empty bar. We approached the bar to find an unattended beer; the burly man behind the bar looked us up and down. "Stressful meeting at Hummel Tire & Lube" I said trying to sound older.

"And after such a long flight" Mercedes said trying to sound old.

"We'll take two shots of tequila; I'll have a Godmother and a Screwdriver for the lady" I said addressing him without looking up from my iPhone. When he put our drinks on the counter I downed my shot almost immediately- April Rhodes had taught me how to hold my liquor after my little accident. I was startled from my re-telling of the master plan when I heard a familiar voice.

"Oh my gosh, Kurt" Mercedes said looking like the gate of hell had opened, "Look who it is!"

"Cedes your scar- Oh my god it's David Karofsky" He was heading straight for the door- he hadn't noticed us.

"You two out-of-towers know Dave?" Dave? They knew him on a first name basis.

"Yes, we went to high school with him, is he a regular?" Mercedes asked having regained her composure before I could.

"Yes, comes in most of the time; sometimes before work," The bartender said, "scopes a couple of guys and moans about someone he only refers to as him."

"Well, we've got a flight back to Boston to catch," I said placing a hundred dollar bill on the bar, "Keep the change" I said as we turned and walked out into the parking lot. I was on auto-pilot the whole way to school; what did I have to gain from blackmailing Karofsky?

"Kurt, boo" Mercedes said stroking my arm gently, I turned and gave her a blank stare, "We're at school" she added with a soft voice.

I just nodded and slid out of the car; sure I'm a heartless cow but I couldn't force anyone to endure the suffering I went through freshman and junior year even my worst enemy. I walked in to the cafeteria having missed more school than I had suspected.

"So did he tell you?" Santana asked squeezing herself between Rachel and me.

"No, we got the shock of our lives instead" Mercedes said, I was eying Rachel who was trying to spy discreetly.

"I can just see that you, Ms Berry, are dying to know what's going on" She pretended not to hear me, acting like she had only just started to listen. "Be at my house on Friday, 7:30"

"Hold up your inviting her?" Santana said sounding furious with me.

"Yep," I said with a discreet wink, "It's a sleep over to rival all sleep overs! Bring your sexiest high fashion ensembles and your cosmetics and I might fix the mess that is Rachel Berry".

"Like you did last year?" Tina said with a giggle and a look.

"How much did you give her?" I said giving Santana a stern look, she just shrugged. I turned back to Rachel, "Did I tell you that I appreciate the effort with the bangs?" she started stroking them and smiling crazily.

"Yep, Santana what do you say?"

"Anything that draws attention away from her mannish hands makes me happy" Santana added sipping on her soda. Quinn approached our group as silently as she could but as she was taking a seat we all got up mumbling excuses leaving her with Rachel- who got the queue and followed us.

"So where are we going?" she said trying to fit in to our clique.

"We have plans with Noah" I said fixing my hair "And I am too drunk to sit in the cafeteria; Angry drunk" I pointed to myself "I might kill Stretch marks" Mercedes just giggled.

"Wait you two are drunk?" she said looking appalled.

"Yep, and we have a secret that will help Santana find her plus one for her glee assignment" We stopped outside the boys' locker room. "Mercedes, you get to record this and the rest of you can come in when she and Santana call you"

"Can I touch your new boobs?" Tina said reaching out for Santana's breasts as she walked away.

"Next time love" I said restraining her crazy behavior.

\(00,\)(/00,)/

I sauntered into the choir room balanced on Noah's shoulders telling him stories about my Oma. I waved at everyone looking at the confused faces on the boys, Brittany, Quinn and the strangers' faces. I was determined to keep them guessing at all times.

"Harmony, is that seat for me?" I said walking over to her and planting a kiss on her forehead, "Did I invite you to my sleepover this Friday?"

"No" she said giving me one of her breath taking smiles.

"Well, Gerber Baby I want you to be there and bring some couture" I said winking. Finn popped his head into the door to tell us that we had to be in the auditorium.

\(00,\)(/00,)/

"Hundred buck to the first person to sleep with that blond cutie" Everyone turned to look at me as I entered whispering with my new circle of friends, "Fifty to the first to kiss those pouty lips."

"It's on" all the girls said adjusting their bras.

"Hi, I'm Sam. Sam I am." The Bieberlicious blond said, "I will be singing 'Billionaire'" he said grabbing his guitar.

"Don't be nervous," I said stoking her beautiful brown hair, "this audition is merely a formality". She gave me a look of amazement, "My opinion is highly valued and as such to have my approval means you must be something special." I adjusted my hair, "Some people are on their second year here and they still aren't in my good graces".

"I'm in your graces?"

"You're coming to Fridays sleepover?" she nodded, "Then, yes"

She hugged me as the boys finished their performance. "I'd like to go next" she said standing and going toward the stage. We did a quick costume change while the cheerios got into position- she got into position before me but I almost immediately joined her on stage.

The auditorium was filled with the toot of a coal burning train; we started clapping in time with the music.

**Harmony: **What's new, Buenos Aires?  
>I'm new! I wanna say: I'm just a little stuck on you-<br>You'll be on me, too

**Harmony with The Cheerios**: I get out here,

**Harmony: **Buenos Aires

**Harmony with The Cheerios**: Stand back! You oughta know what you're gonna get in me-

**Harmony: **Just a little touch of star quality

Fill me up: with your heat, with your noise, with your dirt; overdo me!  
>Let me dance to your beat, make it loud, let it hurt; run it through me!<br>Don't hold back - you are certain to impress  
>Tell the driver this is where I'm staying<p>

**Harmony with The Cheerios:** Hello,

**Harmony: **Buenos Aires!

**Harmony with The Cheerios:** Get this! Just look at me: dressed up, somewhere to go-

We all danced around the stage, a magical combination of my ability to choreograph dance and direct music.

**Harmony: **We'll put on a show!

Take me in at your flood, give me speed, give me lights; set me humming!  
>Shoot me up with your blood, wine me up with your nights; watch me coming!<br>All I want is a whole lot of excess  
>Tell the singer this is where I'm playing<p>

**Harmony with The Cheerios: **Stand back, Buenos Aires!  
>Because you oughta know what you're gonna get in me:<br>Just a little touch of star quality

**Harmony: **And if ever I go too far  
>It's because of the things you are<br>Beautiful town, I love you

And if I need a moment's rest  
>Give your lover the very best<br>Real eiderdown and silence

**Harmony with The Cheerios: **You're a tramp, you're a treat, you will shine to the death;

**Harmony: **you are shoddy!

**Harmony with The Cheerios: **But you're flesh, you are meat, you shall have every breath

**Harmony: **in my body!  
>Put me down for a lifetime of success<br>Give me credit; I'll find ways of paying

**Harmony with The Cheerios: **Río de la Plata!  
>Florida! Corrientes! Nueve de Julio!<p>

**Harmony: **All I want to know

**Harmony with The Cheerios: **Stand back, Buenos Aires!  
>Because you oughta know what you're gonna get in me:<br>Just a little touch of  
>Just a little touch of<br>Just a little touch of star quality!

We all held a pose as Harmony took a step forward, undid her hair, cleared her voice and stood tall.

"I'm Harmony Roberts," She said exuding confidence that rivaled my own, "and that was my audition piece." She said with a cute curtsy.

"I found this gem in the Library" I said stepping forward to sling my arms around her shoulders, "She was just sitting there ripe for the picking." I said punctuating the statement with a kiss on the forehead.

"Wow, Kurt" Mr Schue said scratching his terrible excuse for hair, "You have found a talent the rivals Rachel's".

"I know," no fake modesty here, "And with more talent she might reach my level." I said as we exited the stage.

"My member has something to say before his audition" Santana said shooting a look at her 'elusive' member, I just laughed at the looks everyone gave each other.

"Hi," Karofsky said softly while looking at the ground, "I'd like to apologize to everyone but especially Kurt for the slushy-facials, locker-checks and general unpleasant behavior" he said with his hazel eyes staring holes into my soul. "This is for someone so close to my heart, the person who gives me the strength to face the world each day" he said with his eyes glued to the floor- it was for 'Him', whoever that was.

Brad began to play the introduction to a song that seemed vaguely familiar to me. Dave began to sing in a raspy alto, he still only looked at the ground which hampered his vocal projection.

When I see your smile  
>Tears run down my face<br>I can't replace  
>And now that I'm strong<br>I have figured out  
>How this world turns cold<br>and it breaks through my soul  
>And I know I'll find<br>deep inside me  
>I can be the one<p>

Then he raised his head and I felt as though he was now looking deep into me; I could have sworn I was the one he was singing to but there was no way that might be possible.

I will never let you fall (let you fall)  
>I'll stand up with you forever<br>I'll be there for you through it all (though it all)  
>Even if saving you sends me to heaven<p>

He was singing The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus! I love this song but D-Karofsky's version was slower and more filled with emotion; it was less rock and more ballad style.

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.  
>Seasons are changing<br>And waves are crashing  
>And stars are falling all for us<br>Days grow longer and nights grow shorter  
>I can show you I'll be the one<p>

I will never let you fall (let you fall)  
>I'll stand up with you forever<br>I'll be there for you through it all (through it all)  
>Even if saving you sends me to heaven<p>

Cause you're my, you're my, my, my true love, my whole heart  
>Please don't throw that away<br>Cause I'm here for you  
>Please don't walk away and<br>Please tell me you'll stay, stay

Use me as you will  
>Pull my strings just for a thrill<br>And I know I'll be okay  
>Though my skies are turning grey<p>

I will never let you fall  
>I'll stand up with you forever<br>I'll be there for you through it all  
>Even if saving you sends me to heaven<p>

When he was done I was the first to start clapping, I was in awe of his talent. "Wow, Karofsky might I be the first to commend you on your amazing performance and welcome you to the New Directions" I said initiating a clap. I saw Karofsky smile with his eyes for a split-second.

"Wait, how can you just let him join like that?" Finn screamed at me, "You hate him, have you forgotten what he did to you?"

"First of all, don't you dare take that tone with me!" I screamed back at him, "If people who did me wrong weren't allowed in glee club then You can leave, Quinn did me wrong yesterday, Santana, Mr Schue and Noah all have to pack their bags"

"Stop calling him that! He's not your friend!"

"What and you are?"

"I'm trying to protect you!"

"No, you're threatened by David's talent; you can't handle being the least talented person in this club" I said with a pang of regret as I said it. I wanted to apologize but that went against what I promised myself I'd become. "Congratulations on an amazing audition Karofsky" I said facing him before taking my seat.

"Anyone else?" Mr Schue asked in an effort to divert attention from the scene Finn and I caused.

"Yea, my neighbor goes to school and he is always singing and dancing; by chance he just started his freshman year" Artie said fiddling with his glasses nervously.

"Hi," A male Mercedes said without even tither of nerves, "I'm Saeed James Rowland, no relation. I sing mezzo-soprano and my audition piece will be 'Smash into You' by the ever talented Beyoncé"

"Gay" Puck said with a smirk on his face.

"Just like you" I punched him for judging a book by its cover. Saeed started singing in a rich voice that rivaled the talent of everyone to ever sing an RnB song- his voice was in a gentle whisper.

Head down  
>As I watch my feet take turns hitting the ground<br>Eyes shut  
>I find myself in love racing the Earth<br>And I'm soaked in your love  
>And love was right in my path, in my grasp<br>And me and you belong

He had begun a crescendo; his voice rising from the whisper slowly.

I wanna run (run)  
>Smash into you<br>I wanna run (run)  
>And smash into you<p>

Ears closed  
>What I hear no one else has to know<br>Cause' I know  
>That what we have is worth first place in gold<br>And I'm soaked in your love  
>And love is right in my path, in my grasp<br>And me and you belong, oh...

I wanna run (run)  
>Smash into you<br>I wanna run (run)  
>Smash into you<br>Smash into you  
>Oh...<p>

Head down  
>As I watch my feet take turns hitting the ground<br>Eyes shut  
>I'm in love and I'm racing the Earth<br>And I'm soaked in your love  
>And love is right in my path, in my grasp<br>And me and you belong

He was now at the point where he was belting at about A5; I was impressed by his range.

Oh...I wanna run  
>Smash into you<br>I'm willing to run (run)  
>Smash into you<br>I'm willing to run, run, run, run, ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh  
>I'm willing to run, run, run, run, ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh<br>I wanna run, run  
>Smash into you<br>I'm willing to run (run)  
>Smash into you<p>

"Oh my gosh!" Mercedes screamed giving Saeed a standing ovation, "Finally someone who I can dip this godforsaken club in chocolate!"

"I commend your talent" Mr Schue said half-heartedly. "Welcome to the New Directions"

That moment of happiness was killed by the dreaded bell. Rachel walked up to me giving me a 'wounded puppy' eyes.

"What?" I said, hand on a crooked hip.

"What you said to Finn was very hurtful; his intentions were good even if his methods were questionable." I just turned my nose and fixed hair.

"I'll talk to him"

"Thanks and I know you didn't mean to hurt him but that's what happened"

\(00,\)(/00,)/

"You're home late." My dad said with a stern look on his face, "Why haven't you been answering your phone?"

"I was in the gym; I left it in my locker" I said omitting the part about sweating the booze off.

"Well, I called you a dozen times".

"I saw but when I tried to call you back my phone died!"

"Well Finn has been sitting in the lounge for the last three hours, mind explaining that to me?"

"We got into an argument and I said some hurtful things" my dad raised an eyebrow. "He just started screaming at me because I was welcoming to Karofsky when he auditioned for glee club. Then he started screaming about my new friendship with Noah and -"

"I knew that boy was trouble!"

"Why? Because Finn thinks so?" I said giving my dad more attitude than ever before. "Noah had nothing to do with this; then he was screaming about how he was trying to protect me"

"Sounds right?"

"That's when I blew; I said he couldn't handle being the least talented person in glee club"

"Kurt El-"

"I'm going to apologize" I said softly; with a gentle pat on the shoulder I was sent on my way. Releasing a groan I sauntered into the living room still dressed in my gym attire, my muscles screaming for rest. "Finn?" I said wearily, "I'm sorry I said what I said in the auditorium."

He turned and looked at me with bloodshot eyes, "I'm sorry for everything; what I said in the basement, the way I treated you before I got to know you, the way I treated you last year and for not protecting you" he said in one breath, he took a deep breath, "I'm gonna hug you now".

"No, I don't want a-" He wrapped his long arms and hugged me, forcing me to rest my head on his cushiony chest, "- hug!" I let out a sigh of defeat and gave him a pat on the back to signal that this was just uncomfortable.

"My mom is still dating your dad, you know"

"Finn, listen to me!" He sat down like a puppy – I need to commend Rachel on training him so well! "I did some growing over the summer and I realized that as this country's first gay president I need to learn to take better care of myself; so I learnt how to defend myself- I don't need you to watch me like you did old Kurt" he looked hurt, "but I do appreciate the gesture," the hurt faded slightly.

"Let's hug it out!" he said extending his arms.

"OR… I could go make some of my spinach ravioli instead and you can stay for dinner" I said with an inquisitive eyebrow raised.

"That'd be nice" he said with a smile.

* * *

><p>Songs: Smash into you - Beyoncé (sung by Saeed)<p>

Your Guardian Angel- The Red Jumpsuit Aparatus (Sung by Dave)

Buenos Aires- Evita (Sung by Harmony and the Cheerios)

**I implore you all to give me a general idea of who you'd like to see Kurt with... torn between Kurtofsky, PucKurt, Hevens and Klaine. please share your view.**


	4. Chapter 4

Up the Drama

**A/N: First Santana POV, I just wanted you to see it the way she does****.**

**Chapter 4  
><strong>

I knew I was the top bitch at McKinley but having Kurt there to distribute the terror with me was a plus! I wanted to totally mack on him when he told me about David Karofsky.

_*FLASHBACK*_

"I love irony don't you just?" I said leaning on the locker adjacent to his.

"You c-can't be here Lopez" He said with a slight hesitation.

"I know you'd rather be here with 'Him' but I'm what you've got so it's time to make due."

"I don't know what you mean" He said looking everywhere but at me, this cat would get her mouse any second.

"I love Scandals, don't you?" I said with a tinge of malice in my nonchalant tone. "Perfect place to meet a guy."

"I don't know what you mean, I've never heard of that bar- damn it" he said kicking his locker shut. He pinned me onto the row of lockers behind me, "How did you find out?"

"Well, you were spotted but don't bother killing me a dozen other people know!" A slight exaggeration but he didn't know that. I put my bitch-face on and sneered at him, "So let me go you filthy ape!"

"What do you want? It's not money your dad's a loaded doter" he said running his thumb over his knuckles and he was shaking! "Why are you doing this to me?"

"My… partner is exacting revenge on you and it's all because you had to get that liquid courage before school" he grumbled realizing what a bad idea that was, "In the closet you live in under aged drinking might be acceptable but this is America where you have to be 21."

"What. Do. You. Want?" he said between gritted teeth.

"Cool your jets, I need to bring a new member with me to glee club and that 'member' is you!" I said flipping my hair whilst admiring myself in the mirror. "Don't worry singing is a gay thing; look at Adam Lambert, Elton John, Lance Bass, Ricky Martin and Khloé Kardashian"

"I'm pretty sure Khloé Kardashian is neither a gay man nor a singer" he said with a chuckle.

"You are so gay for knowing that"

\(00,\)(/00,/)

Wednesday is generally a painful day for me- Glee in the morning, cheerio practice and I have two hour session in the gym with Kurt later. I stood on the sidewalk waiting for the Navigator to come pick me up for school. A Porsche Cayenne pulled up in front of me, I rolled my eyes- great another pervert.

"I'm still in high school! You perverted ape" I screamed at the dark window. The window rolled down and my jaw went slack.

"Good because that's how I like my bitchy partners" Kurt Hummel said with a big fat smirk on his face. "Come on Sandbags, don't keep me waiting!"

"Wow Liz, moving up in the world" I was too excited to show it, I once tried to get my dad to buy a Porsche but he said he was too old for that. "No spinners?"

"Nope, I'm taking to the simpler things in life." He said as the engine roared to life.

"And that's why we're in a Porsche?" I said giving him a sideways glance.

"Funny he told me they were too much work keep clean." In that moment my heart did a somersault.

"Oh-my-gosh Wheezy! You nearly killed me!" I screamed reaching for her neck. "Since when do you get a ride with us?"

"Since my bestie got a Porsche!"

"Cedes had to be the first person other than me to ride in my baby!" Kurt said fixing his perfect hair. We drove Noah's street in silence; we were practically creeping. We stopped in front of Noah.

"I'm not interested in what you're selling" he said through the dark window. We giggled like the schoolgirls we are.

"Pity, we were going to sell you our bodies" Kurt said rolling down his window.

"Oh fuck, the princess got a new carriage" he said climbing into the back with Mercedes, "What's up Satan, Aretha and Princess."

"Nothing much" we said in unison.

"Oh my fuck! I'm in a Porsche!" Noah screamed like a bitch.

"I've had this since Monday; when you two left my dad took me to the dealership and told me to go wild" Kurt said " I wanted to save it for today because, well, Yesterday was my old baby's send-off"

"I saw that your plates say Babe, why?"

"I'm a babe, my car is a babe and I couldn't put bitch on without traumatizing innocent children like Finn" there was a round of raucous laughter, "spoke to him yesterday and he apologized then my dad made me apologize for what I said- we're cool now"

"That is very mature of you" was all I could manage.

"You did the right thing and now you don't have to stress about it"

"I would have told him to 'suck my balls'" Puck said with a wicked smile.

When we pulled up at school I'd called Rachel and told her to reserve us a space near the main entrance. Everyone looked on in awe at the car parked in front of their eyes; most of the jocks were convinced it was 'one of them' but the silence turned from one of awe when Puck and I got out first into one of conflicting thoughts (between writing him off or cheering) when Kurt got out of the driver's side keys in hand. We walked into the main corridor; it was filled with people who kept looking at their phones and then back at us- flabbergasted.

"Thanks for keeping my spot Rachel" Kurt said pulling her into our group.

"A pleasure considering you got the Hybrid version" she said pushing her bangs to the side.

"Kurt!" a breathless Finn said holding on to an annoyed Puck's shoulder, "I heard Burt bought you a Porsche." he said straightening up to astronomical heights, "Is that true?"

"Yep, it was gift for getting into the 'Summer Youth Development Program' at Harvard" he said as though he'd gotten a candy bar for good behavior.

"All summer?" a distressed Mercedes asked.

"No, just the first week"

"Kurty," Brittany said pushing through the crowd that had formed, "I heard from Tina that you lost your baby, so I found her and brought he back" she said pushing Harmony at me.

"I'm confused; is this all code for something sinister?" Harmony whispered to him. Kurt just gestured his arm toward me.

"Brittany, you remember how Kurt had that big car yesterday?" Brittany nodded to acknowledge that she knew what I was talking about. "Do you remember that he used to call it his baby? Well he had to sell it"

"Why? Was it an evil transformer?" Man was she beautiful today and we were really close in a public place and I liked it.

"No, he sold it so he could buy a new one" I said holding her hand.

"Oh, okay" she looked at a confused Harmony, "I'm sorry Kurt isn't your daddy but I still think you look like him."

"It is fine Brit, Harmony is fine, right"

"Yeah, You didn't do anything wrong"

Our little get together was disbanded by the warning bell. We all walked in the choir room for the morning dose of glee. We all sat around with all the boys- David excluded- were all still gushing over Kurt's car.

"Welcome, to the first annual New Directions Duet Competition!" Mr Schuster said with a grin on his abnormally square jaw of his. "Prize for first place is voucher to Breadsticks."

"Oh-My-God! I love that place!" escaped my lips.

"Finn and I will have fun on your behalf Santana" Rachel said smiling so much her face looked like it might fall off.

"No original songs though, and to keep it interesting I'm pairing you up at random" He said his grin now a wicked smirk.

"The pairs are: Mercedes and Rachel

David and Puck

Santana and Harmony

Quinn and Tina

Mike and Kurt

Matt and Finn

Sam and Saeed

Brittany and Artie"

"Mr Schuster, my duet partner can't even sing," Kurt said "how am I supposed to work like this?"

"Well as long as you work together, you don't both have to sing"

"Well Kurt Jnr what do you think we should sing?"

"As flattering as being compared to someone who has that much talent maybe, I have an identity of my own"

"Okay Harmony. What would you like to sing?" I said trying to be nice to her, she wasn't making it easy.

\(00,\)(/00,/)

"Why am I in sociology again?" I asked Kurt who had been paying very little attention to me all lesson.

"Well, you didn't want to be stuck discussing your feelings in Psychology" he said without tearing his eyes away from the board. "You also knew that you could cruise through this course by cheating off me."

"You know how to put up a good argument! When you're president I am so gonna be Secretary of State!" I said nudging his shoulder, "Then when we have sleepovers you can say you're sleeping with your secretary"

Kurt just tilted his head and smiled, "It's a good thing you're pretty and Brittany loves you," he stroked my cheek gently, "NONE of what you just said makes any sense!"

"Whatever Big Gay Al, at least Brit's prettier than Karofsky!"

"Negative, I have standards as a future leader, I can't associate with riffraff."

"Harsh!" I said wiping imaginary tears from the corners of my eyes, "I am so proud!"

"Well you have good reason to be" I said with a wink, "you're the one who shared your 'milkshake' recipe".

"You'll never get a hold of my 'cookie' recipe"

"Sick! But that does remind me," said rummaging through his messenger bag, "I had time to bake Kurt brownies last night!"

"Are they filled with green goodness?"

"No, I'm allergic to mint" Kurt said in matter of fact tone- totally oblivious of the actual meaning of the statement. "I'm kidding I know what you mean but my Kurt brownies are good enough to put you on cloud nine without the aid of mind-altering substances."

"We'll see at-" the bell rung, "Now!" We got up and headed straight for the cafeteria to hopefully chow down on some tasty brownies. As we sat at the end of the 'glee table', Kurt opened his Tupperware without a word when every head at the table turned.

"Are those Kurt brownies?" Tina asked walking around tour side of the table, "May I have one?" She said taking a bite out of the brownie by which time Mercedes was halfway through her second one.

"Last time I had these I asked Kurt to marry me" Puck said with a moan, "Sam, you should try these".

"They are mind altering but without any vicious side effects" Mike said whilst trying to sneak a couple away.

"Hey!" Kurt screamed a Finn tried to grab his fourth one, "Santana have one." I took it and brought it to my lips; the taste was orgasmic.

"Kurt! You are the first guy to make me feel this good in so long!"

"Harmony, Saeed" He smiled sweetly at them, "Have a brownie!"

"Oh no!" Rachel said letting a little gasp escape, "Kurt Brownies, my temptress!" she said clutching he Star of David charm.

"Vegans" everybody said in a freaky unison.

"Hi" David said softly injecting silence into the group, "Can I sit here?" Everyone stopped moving hoping he wouldn't see them. "I can see all of you- you aren't even making an effort to hide!"

"Sure, Davey" Brittany said patting the seat next to hers. "How is Gunther?"

"Gunther?" Puck asked chewing on the last bit of a brownie.

"My English Sheepdog," He said, "Gunther is just fine Brit."

"That's just precious," Kurt said, "Have a brownie."

"Would you like to meet him?" he said his eyes lighting up, then it hit me! Kurt was 'Him'.

"God no," Kurt said without giving it a moment's thought, "I'm terrible allergic to dogs."

"Really?" Matt said without taking his eyes off his brownie- Finn snatched Mikes when he turned his head.

"Yep, makes my throat close up!" then there was awkward moment when everyone was glaring at Karofsky as though he had intentionally tried to kill Kurt.

"Well, it's the gesture that counts" Kurt said picking up the message I had sent him with my eyes. "I'm sure Brit wouldn't mind spending time with Gunther."

By which point Brittany was stage whispering 'pick me' to no one in particular. Dave's smile returned but didn't burn with the same intensity it had a minute ago.

"Wanky" I said softly.

"What was that Tana?" Brittany asked with an invasive look, "You're planning something terrible, aren't you?"

"No," She looked harder at me, "Maybe; it's not that evil!" A little lie but you know what they say: A white lie today, a web of lies tomorrow.

\(00,\)(/00,/)

"Lady, Sandbags, Twiddle-Dee-Dumb" Coach screeched, "I'm cutting your routine; Thre3 is just too sexy for High school".

"Okay." Kurt said as though she said they were out of ranch dressing. We sat there stretching in chaste manner because coach Beiste said we were 'too distracting' for the football players.

"I smell a rat!" I was angry; we spent five minutes on that routine. "No, actually I smell Fabray!"

"That is me, so sorry about your routine!" She said with a light flip of her high ponytail. "But I bet you can get Mr Schue to reject it as well!" she said in that falsetto voice of hers.

"Why don't you go and worry about the disgusting stretch marks on you thighs because I can feel my Kurt brownies coming back upstream. Save your sympathy for your lizard baby because with your genes she'll need it more" Kurt said running his index finger over his perfectly sculpted brow.

"You had Kurt brownies without me?" she asked sounding hurt.

"Everyone who's anyone was there!" Brittany said with a twirl of her ponytail. "Davey had like five!"

"You gave Karofsky Kurt brownies?" she was tearing up now. "That is so heartless of you!" she screamed running in the opposite direction.

"What did you skanks do to Q?" Coach asked practically breathing fire.

"We said she couldn't have any of your Kurt brownies" Kurt said rummaging through his bag for a specially marked batch.

"Good work, that whale couldn't possible afford to swell any further!" she said turning and walking away. We all fell to the ground laughing.

"Tomorrow can I have some of those vegan oatmeal raisin cookies?" Brittany asked, snuggling up to her 'Dolphin'.

"Well I do owe Rachel for today!"

"Ladies, Gym! NOW!" Coach Sylvester screeched, "After seeing some of your thighs I think we need a session of cardio."

"Yes coach!" the scared freshman scurried into the locker room.

"I dare you to get changed out here!" Brittany whispered in Kurt's ear, "Come on Dolphin, are you scared of a little sexual attention?"

"I'll do it with you," I know he wanted my support; he is after all my main gay. "Brit, you interested?"

"Always" she said dropping her skirt. We all got dressed in our sexy gym clothes with some distracted ball fumbling from the football team. "I really want to touch coach Beiste's boobs" Brit says as we walked toward the gym, "She's the only man with boob that big"

"Why don't you ask Finn?"

"Finn won't let me touch his though." She said looking at her feet "I asked freshman year"

"Get out you cretins, the cheerios are using the weight room now" coach screamed at the rugby team who ran out like little girls. I shuddered; I'm glad I'm not as far down the ladder as them. "Sandbags work on your arms- bottom of the pyramid!"

I froze looking over at a smug Quinn; all my self-control was gone, I went straight at her whilst Kurt tried to tell coach that pyramids were done to death.

"You vindictive bitch! Just because your slutty ass was too dumb to demand a condom because you weren't on the pill is not my fault" I said punctuating the sentence with a couple of slaps. "Yo soy de Lima Heights Adjacent! ¿Sabe dónde es puta? El lado equivocado del camino! Me va a terminar aquí y ahora!" I said grabbing her blond ponytail only to come away with most of it in my hands.

"My hair!"

"It's only yours because you paid for these cheap ass extensions" I said holding it away from myself as though avoiding contamination.

"Q, I'm disappointed! Porcelain, Sandbags," she said pointing at us, "principle's office, NOW!"

We discussed Quinn's tragic demise as we walked to Figgins' office, "She got what was coming to her" Kurt said giving me a reassuring look, "Now let's get in there and lie like crazy!"

"Mr Hummel! To what do owe this pleasure, model students like you are rarely sent to my office."

"Well, Principal Figgins," He said in a voice that made him sound like he might burst into tears at any second, "I was telling Santana about how I got into the Harvard Youth Development Program next summer when Quinn- driven crazy with jealousy- decided to attack me Sob, Sob but luckily Santana came to my defense saving my amazing genius" by which point he was sobbing into my shoulder.

"You can ask any of the cheerios, they will verify this incident!" I said catching my queue.

"And it wasn't the first time she endangered my money bringing genius!"

"There was an incident on the first day back" I said now beginning my own water work, "Where I had to intervene and stop her from terrorizing Kurt."

"I see, I'll have a word with her parents!"

"No, she might just get angrier; detention would teach her a lesson" we said smirking.

* * *

><p><strong>Hope you enjoyed this... let me know if you liked it because I'm thinking a puck point of view<strong>

**Spanish translation: **I'm from Lima Heights Adjacent! Do you know where that is bitch? The wrong side of the road (_tracks_)! I will end you here and now!**  
><strong>


	5. Chapter 5

Up the Drama

**A/N: It's been a while; I was trying to figure out a way to add a sense of Glee-ality**

Chapter 5

"…I heard that you were talking shit

And you didn't think that I would hear it" was blaring from the speakers of my car with all my passengers singing along.

"People hear you talking like that, getting everybody fired up

So I'm ready to attack, gonna lead the pack

Gonna get a touchdown, gonna take you out

That's right, put your pom-poms down, getting everybody fired up."

My phone started ringing, "Sorry guys I got a call, now where is the answer button for this damn car?" I didn't recognize the number but answered the call anyway.

"Hello?"

"Wie ist mein Lieblings-Grand-Baby?"

"Oma, Oh mein Gott Sie sind gut?"

"German?" I heard Santana whisper inquisitively.

"Ich komme zu Ihnen am Sonntag, brunch sehen an diesem Ort, den Sie lieben?"

"Ja, das wäre schön! Ich kann es kaum erwarten, dich zu sehen! Küsse"

"Küsse" she said, and then the line died!

"Who was that?" Puck asked, "Because they sounded hot!"

"My Oma, and she's coming to see me this weekend!" I beamed over the loud Gwen Stefani. "She's sixty-one you cretin"

"How many languages do you speak?" Mercedes asked. I rolled my eyes at the fact that we were having this conversation again.

"English, French, German, Mandarin… four" I said stepping on the pedal harder. "It comes with the territory; I know German because it's part of my heritage, I've spoken English since birth, French was my freshman elective, I took Mandarin in junior school… oh and I'm learning Swahili now."

"Don't joke!" a drained Puck said, "I got a headache just hearing about it so I pity your suffering"

"Hakuna mateso"

"What wonderful phrase" Santana sang, "Hakuna Matata, ain't no passing craze"

"I actually-" I just rolled my eyes "It means no worries for the rest of your days" I sang along happily.

"It's our problem free" Mercedes joined in.

"Philosophy!" we all chimed. "Hakuna Matata!"

"That's right. Take Puck here; why, when he was a young warthog..." Santana carried on singing as I pulled into the parking lot.

"When I was a young wart hog!" Puck belted in his sexy tenor.

"Very nice" I winked.

"Thanks"

"He found his aroma lacked a certain appeal; He could clear the savannah after every meal!" Mercedes sang happily as we walked into the hallway.

"I'm a sensitive soul though I seem thick-skinned; and it hurt that my friends never stood downwind" Puck carried on with such convincing sadness. "And oh, the shame"

"He was ashamed" we chorused.

"Thought of changin' my name"

"What's in a name?"

"And I got downhearted"

"How did ya feel?"

"Every time that I…"

"Hey! Puck! Not in front of the kids!" I said knowing that it was part of the song and with the feeling Noah would say something sordid.

"Oh. Sorry" he blushed slightly.

"Hakuna Matata! What a wonderful phrase!" Santana and Mercedes sang with chemistry like I'd never seen before. "Hakuna Matata! Ain't no passing craze!"

"It means no worries for the rest of your days!" puck and I sang together; for that moment I sang with someone as though it was the first time, "It's our problem-free!"

"Philosophy" We all chimed as we got to my locker, "Hakuna Matata! Hakuna Matata! Hakuna Matata! Hakuna Matata! Hakuna Matata! Hakuna Matata! Hakuna Matata! Hakuna Matata! Hakuna- It means no worries for the rest of your days! It's our problem-free philosophy! Hakuna Matata!" we all hit our upper-limits on the last note and for the first time in three years we had more than five people applauding.

"Kurty," Brittany said hugging me, "Did you bring me cookies?" she asked kissing Santana.

"You know it" I said handing her a small bag, "I bagged those especially so you can take them home."

"Thanks, Dolphin!" she said hugging me deeply.

"Are we still getting to hear the first 'Kurt Hummel Original Song' today?" Rachel asked appearing out of thin air.

"Not if you kill me before that, I could have had a heart-attack" I said leaning on my locker, "Take these cookies and go before you surprise me by wearing something nice."

"Liz now that you're the most popular boy at William McKinley," Santana said leaning close to me, "When are you getting your V-card punched?" she practically blew the last part in my ear.

"Well, I did have a heated argument with myself about that but then I ended up realising that there wasn't anyone I'd like to link with that memory" I slammed my locker shut, "I was thinking of just getting smashed and waking up with the deed done but I don't want it to be just anyone."

"I get your drift," Santana said then stopped dead in her tracks, "I don't think you've thanked your dad enough for the Porsche."

"I made him my secret ingredient waffles this morning" I said looking mighty confused as to what my dad had to do with my virginity.

"Did someone say waffles" asked Puck, much like Rachel he also just appeared- Maybe it's a Jewish thing.

"Well, I think you should spend your allowance on a weekend away for him and Carol" Santana said smiling, "and then throw a party with everyone you deem worthy and a couple of extras for authenticity"

"And loose it then!" treating it like an epiphany all my own, I was going to ignore that she had to lead me there like a dolt.

"I don't know what this has to do with waffles but I'm in," Puck said flexing his bicep, "I'll get the booze!"

"I'll call my travel agent; I know Peru is lovely this time of year" I said whipping my iPhone out- within ten minutes I had two first class tickets, a hotel room and a car rental ready.

"Finn!" I screamed as he stood idle at his locker.

"What's up Kurt?"

"Can I have a dollar?" he looked confused.

"Sure," he said wearily pulling it out of his pockets.

"Thanks," I said, "you just chipped in on a romantic getaway for our parents that we've planning for weeks"

"But you guys weren't on speaking terms till yesterday?" Puck said.

"Good call! It's to make up for our terrible behaviour!" Finn just nodded, "Go call my dad and tell him! I'll call Carol".

"Can I have that dollar" Puck asked in a gentle voice.

"Nope," Santana said as she ripped it from my hands. "Now excuse me while I go buy Pixie Sticks to bribe Brit into having sex with me at school".

"How many Pixie Sticks would it take to get you to have sex with me?"

"There aren't enough Pixie Sticks in the world for that!" I said shoving him away from me jokingly.

\(00,\)(/00,)/

"Kurt, let's make out" a voice whispered.

"Brit, I will not make out with you in the middle of The Crucible" I said letting out a huff, "try again later."

"What was that Mr Hummel?" Mr Phillips asked with a piercing look.

"I was simply protesting the cowardice of Abigail, how dare she steel money to run away from the mess she caused, leaving John on death row." I said smirking, "I was also commending John on his bravery; preferring to face death than have his reputation tarnished by a false confession."

"Well thank you for ruining the play for everyone else," that arrogant man sneered, "We're still on the first act but what's the point now? Would you like to kill The Great Gatsby as well?"

"Well, if you hadn't asked then we wouldn't have this problem" Brittany said in a sweet voice.

"I suppose Miss Pierce is correct, but next time keep your raucous outbursts to yourself." I swallowed every rude comment I had thought up and nodded. Now I owed Brittany one- she'll probably ask to make-out with me; an hour of my life gone.

The bell rung after I sat idle for the rest of the lesson; I was trying to think of ways to get out of making out with Brittany. Library here I come (so glad I changed my mind about retaking physics), on second thought I don't need to study- I can spend my free in the choir room. I sat down at the piano and started playing a short tune of my own composition- it's just a piano piece, my first in a while. I was playing it beautifully entirely from memory but it felt empty; I stopped, hesitating slightly-

Hold me in your arms

Look into my eyes

Look at the pain you've caused

With your frequent goodbyes

Give me a reason to stay

You don't need me, you'll be okay

Stop me now before I'm going, going gone away…

"That was beautiful Kurt," Rachel said appearing out of nowhere yet again, "you're very talented. What inspired you to write that?"

"I don't know, it just came to me now" I was in awe of what was really boiling below my surface, "I had the music written but the lyrics just exploded from me now."

"That isn't the song you're singing today?" I shook my head, "I'm in bigger trouble than I thought!"

"I don't know why you limit your musical ability," pushed her bangs out of her face, "You have a magical voice, open yourself to reality and you'll be able to write music better than Barbra Streisand!"

"You don't mean that, I'll never be as good as you"

"And I never said you'd be but you will be an A-grade Rachel Berry! Now pick yourself up and get it right"

"Thank you! No one knows how to make a girl feel great like you!" I chuckled softly.

"I told Finn the same thing," I started playing again, "He didn't believe me!"

"Sounds right!" she said pushing at random key that added a little panache to my piece. "I'm glad we became friends, I was jealous of how beautiful and talented you are; I can only be one"

"Hey," here comes the part where I have to build up her self-esteem, "You are beautiful… in your own way and that is worth more than the commercial beauty of one Quinn Fabray; and on some days your beautiful inside to."

I ruffled her hair, she beamed at me. "I wish I could kiss you now but Brittany would probably kill me," she let out a bitter laugh, "Why do I have to be compared with Quinn?"

"She may be pretty and smart but she lacks your wisdom and has a blatant disregard of who she hurts." I fixed my hair and looked her in the eye, "You have true friends, a boy who loves you and chose you over her, and you're one of the few people who'll get out of this one-horse-town."

"I glad to have you as my best gay."

"Well, glad to be." I said pulling her into an emotional hug.

"Can I ask you a dorky question?"

"Can I refuse to answer if it's too dorky?" she nodded so I nodded.

"Do you think we could do a Disney movie as our musical?"

"Sure, actually now that you mention it I insist"

\(00,\)(/00,)/

"Hello kids" Mr Schuster said wearing a ridiculously ugly vest, "before we begin to work on our routines, I'd like us to welcome Kurt Hummel who'll be performing his long awaited original song."

I stood in the middle of the room, the band, Santana, Brittany and I have been working for this moment so long. "This song is written for and about my old self." I gave the band their queue but my nerves had me stuck- what if everyone hates my song?

"Come on Princess! You can do this" Noah cheered.

I stared singing softly, the beat intensified.

Oooh Oooh. Ooooooh Oooh. Hoooooh.

Met a man just yesterday  
>Said that he could erase<br>Any memory that I don't want no more  
>So I'm going back today<br>Yes I'm on my way  
>'Cause I'm sick of thinking about you<p>

Santana and Brittany started singing softly; my nerves were gone and I was dancing along to the beat.

Doctor, doctor please are you sure that,  
>I won't recognise him if we should,<br>Walk right past each other  
>I don't wanna know<p>

I don't wanna remember  
>I just wanna forget you<br>Turn you into a perfect stranger  
>Deleted? From my heart forever<br>Whenever I'm near you  
>I want love amnesia<br>So all you are is a perfect stranger  
>Deleted? from my heart forever<p>

Every contour of your face  
>Will eventually fade<br>Along with all the pain you brought me  
>Every picture in a frame<br>Will be replaced  
>By the one who's gonna cure me<p>

I don't wanna remember  
>I just wanna forget you<br>Turn you into a perfect stranger  
>Deleted? From my heart forever<br>Whenever I'm near you  
>I want love amnesia<br>So all you are is a perfect stranger  
>Deleted? from my heart forever<p>

Thought of you haunt me every night  
>Just can't go on with your memory alive<br>But I found a way to skip you, erase you  
>I don't wanna remember<p>

Doctor, doctor please guarantee  
>That I won't fall again for the way he<br>Looks so deep into me  
>I don't wanna know<p>

I belted in a way that surprised everyone; it was nothing like the clean controlled singing they were used to from me, this was raw explosion of emotion.

I don't wanna remember  
>I just wanna forget you<br>Turn you into a perfect stranger  
>Deleted? From my heart forever<br>Whenever I'm near you  
>I want love amnesia<br>So all you are is a perfect stranger  
>Deleted? from my heart forever<p>

When the music died down there was a rowdy applause, everyone was cheering- even Quinn forgot we hated each other for a second longer than she would like to admit. I was floored by their response; sure I expected some applause- like Mike would applaud because he applauds everything but nothing more than people being polite.

"I think we have a number for sectionals, don't you think Mr Schue" Rachel said when we had all settled back into our seats. "I'm sure Kurt would deliver it with the same ferocity he did today".

"That performance must be something if Rachel is willing to give up her beloved ballad" Artie said with a look of surprise on his face. "I think we should totally do this and Glitter & Grease for sectionals!"

"That's enough! I've said that we aren't doing original songs at sectionals!" A fuming Mr Schue said.

"Well then what are we doing?" Mercedes asked hands on hips.

"Only the young and Remember me by Journey"

"Because that worked out famously last year" I scoffed, I had had enough of… of… this autocracy.

"That enough Kurt" he said from between clenched teeth.

"Funny because I think it's too little; you are aware that this program is for the students and as such we should be doing the decision making and you Sponge-Hair Square-Jaw should just offer direction!" Rachel's monolog loving ways are rubbing off on me.

"Please leave" he said in raspy voice.

"Kwaheri" I said walking out of the door in a fit of fury.

"If Kurt is out then so am I; join us if you will" Rachel said leading a dramatic walk out with every New Direction member barring Quinn- who says she left because she was sick of Mr Schue and not because she was supporting me. We stormed out of school in a huff and we all ended up in my basement.

"Other Gay, you gonna be at tomorrow's soiree?" Mercedes asked Saeed as he sat my piano.

"Firstly, I have a name- call me by it and nothing else!" He said giving Mercedes to which she just smiles, he let out a breath calming himself "I was invited but I have to go to mosque after school."

"I love the attitude! Let's sing together" Mercedes said forcing me to sit down at the piano, "Give us… The closer I get to you; Be-"

"Roberta Flack" Saeed said without so much as flinching at Mercedes's glare of death; I started playing softly, tickling the keys.

Saeed started singing softly and magically. He captured the essence of the original whilst making it his own.

The closer I get to you  
>The more you'll make me see<br>Like giving me all you've got  
>Your love has captured me<p>

Mercedes thickened her voice but without dropping it; she sang a female key to complement Saeed's Roberta.

Over and over again  
>I'll try to tell myself that we<br>Could never be more than friends  
>And all the while inside<br>I knew it was real  
>The way you make me feel<p>

Lying here next to you  
>Time just seems to fly<br>Needing you more and more  
>Let's give love a try<p>

Sweeter than sweeter love grows  
>And heaven's there for those<br>Who fool the tricks of time  
>With the hearts in love you find<br>True love  
>In a special way<p>

The closer I get to you  
>The more you'll make me see<br>By giving me all you've got  
>Your love has captured me<p>

Over and over again  
>I'll try to tell myself that we<br>Could never be more than friends  
>And all the while inside<br>I knew it was real  
>The way you make me feel<p>

The closer I get to you  
>The more you'll make me see<br>By giving you all I've got  
>Your love has captured me<p>

When they finished singing a truly beautiful rendition of this song everyone in the basement was flabbergasted by their musical chemistry.

"Wow!" Matt said when the cheers subsided.

"For a man of few words, Matt Rutherford always manages to say the right ones" Santana said laugh.

"Speaking of words that need to be said" a small voice said, "I owe Kurt and Santana an apology for my unprovoked aggression toward them".

I didn't know what to say- say something my brain kept screaming or they'll think your overdoing the bitchy thing; "Oh"

"Well Quinn," Santana started with a friendly smile on her face, "I'm sorry we ate the most kickass batch of Kurt brownies without you" she now had a wicked smile on her beautiful face, "They were so good that I felt myself forgetting all about the hate in the world and began to see rainbow and unicorns! So, I forgive you"

"Well, I think that Mr Schue will have had enough time to wallow in the despair caused by his indiscretion and will be begging us to return tomorrow" Rachel said standing at the foot of the steps, "I say we return diplomatically and accept his apology."

"I say we go back on Monday" Artie said "All in favour?" Every hand shot up. "I think his outburst needs him to cool down and realise that we can do this without him. I might even go as far as saying we should go back after we win sectionals!"

"Or never," Harmony said with a look of deep thought on her adorable face, "If I may?"

"By all means" Finn said helping her onto the piano bench.

"We have Rachel; who from what I hear has the ability to make a great singer out of anyone with her persistence. We have Kurt; who is an amazing choreographer and amazing vocal coach- You guys saw Buenos Aires and Glitter & Grease. Mercedes has been doing costumes since way back when from what I've gathered. In the end it seems you were running this club already but Schuster just got the credit."

"Can we really do this to Mr Schue?" a scared Finn asked, "He's done so much for us!"

"He's done so much for YOU," Tina said, "He hasn't done diddly-squat for me!"

"Or me," Mercedes said, "I've had to fight him every step for everything I got!"

"Is mutiny a frequent happening in this club?" Sam asked with a giant smile.

"Of course Froggy-Lips," Santana said ruffling his messy shag. He blushed at the jab at his lips, "So sweetness, you want to make out? Because I've never kissed anyone with a mouth that big" She was sitting down at the piano next to me and gave me a nudge and wink.

Guppy Face,  
>Trouty Mouth,<br>Is that how people's lips look where you come from in the South?

Grouper Mouth,  
>Froggy Lips,<br>I love suckin' on those salamander lips.

Wanna put a fish hook in those lips, so cherry red  
>If you tried hard enough, you could suck a baby's head!<p>

Whoo!  
>Oh, yeah-eah, yeah.<p>

"Stop insulting those seductively delicious lips!" Harmony said with a look that made me see that she was moving in for the fifty dollars. She flipped her hair and knelt next to Sam, "Are you feeling hurt? As a peer councillor it is my duty to-"

"You just want to win the wager?" Sam said interrupting her monologue that made her sound a lot like Rachel. We all pulled our best looks of surprise.

"No, never!" we said in faked unison; he gave us all a look that made burned through the lies- we each admitted to our guilt.

"Why?"

"Well, you are the hottest piece of ass to grace us with your presence since Puckerman and he's mediocre at best" Quinn said in a very defensive tone. "Boys do it all the time to girls and I have learned that you aren't that type of boy and for that I apologise"

"We're all sorry" I added softly, "I'm sorry I started this whole thing." The guilt of knowing what a good person Sam was made the fact that I treated him like a piece made me feel guilty. "You have the fifty dollars; none of these bitches deserve it."

"Thanks," he said before leaning in and kissing me on the cheek, "I guess this means you win?"

"I believe it does!" I said turning to all the other girls, "Better luck next time ladies!"

* * *

><p><strong>Songs: Hollaback Girl - Gwen Stefani (Puck, Mercedes, Santana, Kurt)<strong>

**Hakuna Matata- Lion King **(Puck, Mercedes, Santana, Kurt)****

**Going, Going, Gone away- Me (Kurt)**

**Perfect Stranger- Leona Lewis (Kurt as original song)**

**The closer i get to you- Roberta Flack & Donny Hathaway (Saeed, Mercedes)**

**Trouty Mouth- Glee (Santana)**

**Translations:**

**_Kurt & Oma (German)_**

**"Wie ist mein Lieblings-Grand-Baby?" - "How is my favorite grand-baby?"**

**"Oma, Oh mein Gott Sie sind gut?"- "Grandma, Oh my God. Are you well?"**

**"Ich komme zu Ihnen am Sonntag, brunch sehen an diesem Ort, den Sie lieben?"- "I come to see you on Sunday, brunch at that place you love?"**

**"Ja, das wäre schön! Ich kann es kaum erwarten, dich zu sehen! Küsse"- "Yes, that would be nice, I can not wait to see you, kisses"**

**"Küsse" - "Kisses"**

**_Kurt (Swahili)_**

**Hakuna Mateso- No suffering**

**Kwaheri- Goodbye**

**Hope you enjoyed... please let me know what you think! BTW to all the excited Hevans-lovers that is as friendly as it gets.  
><strong>


	6. Chapter 6

Up the Drama

**A/N: Been a while, ****I was on Vaca with the fam, i decided to split friday in two and the rest is from a different POV... Hope you like this... 3**

Chapter 6

"Third period on Friday has got to be the most excruciating thing in my life!" Santana had been bitching about every lesson so far- I think she's excited to try on my clothes. "Now we have chem and sure I can sit at the back and share sweet lady kisses with Brit but that won't get me into med school."

"I know 'bout that girl, you preaching to the choir" I was well aware of the pressures of next year's Harvard application. "I have read Gray's Anatomy so many times" I said stopping at the door. "I know Henry's body so well we might as well have slept together."

"Whoa in the series it's Meredith Grey"

"The book and the TV series are unrelated; the book is a medical journal whereas the series is about sex. The book is Gray with an 'A'."

"Don't joke!" she said, panic splashed on her face. "You have a copy I can borrow right?"

"Carry it around like most people carry the bible." I smirked handing the book that had been sacred to me for so long. I sat down next to Mike smiling at him. "Don't you think it so cool that we are paired together in Chemistry and our Duet?"

He looked at me like I had been smoking some mind-altering Hallucinogen of sorts. "You do realise we were only paired together because we're the top students and Mr Rodriguez didn't want the other students to mooch off our intelligence."

"Wow," I fixed a stray hair, "You make starting a conversation really hard! I have plans for today's rehearsal; we're driving to Westerville so I can show you how to do a male/male performance."

"Do I have a choice because I would love to spend the time with Tina" He said pleadingly, "Since we can't spend tonight or tomorrow together."

"Cry me a river, we are doing this!" I said turning away to face the board without giving him the chance for rebuttal. He would thank me for this later when we place a very close to unanimous first. I sat there writing music for the musical I was thinking of putting on; it would be amazing and at the same time kick in the jewels to Mr Schuster because he doubts my ability as a writer; I was adamant to prove that I was a force to be reckoned with. I wasn't out to destroy Mr Schuster but I was going to make him see the error of his way the hard way!

**Still on for Fam dinner? Finn. **That poor child still doesn't understand that my phone tells me who it is anyway. I was going to have to find time to cook somewhere between my trip to Westerville and my 7pm with the 'Fam'. Babe knew how to get a boy from A to B at incredible speeds which makes all of this easier; speaking of babes Puck has been avoiding me! He went as far as having his mother drop him off this morning under the false pretence that he needed to work on his guns. It's not that I cared but my social standing is very important for my future; Quinn said her mom listed popularity as an extra-curricular on her collage application. Sure, I might have more star power but I've hit my very high-glass ceiling and now I'm using a chisel to break through the roman stone- I need the jack-hammer that is popularity!

**Totes still on! What would you like to eat? **I was trying to rebuild the bridge that I partly burned; so I was being really nice. I want my dad to be happy and as much as the thought of sharing him is hard I have to power through- extending our family will ensure that when I leave he won't be alone; he'll have Carole and Finn.

**Whatever, just as long as you make creep Susan. I really like that =D **it took me a moment to figure out who the hell Susan was but when I did it made me giggle.

**LOL, Crêpe Suzette you reject, 8P TTYL. **If I was going to make crêpes between Finn and the girls I'm looking at about thirty crêpes. I was so not looking forward to what this would do to my hair.

"Wait a sec," Mike said looking like he was a third grader in a trig class.

"I'm waiting,"

"You and Santana said you were going to be politicians when we were in sociology; Writers in English and outside of this class you were doctors, which is it?" Mike Chang, First person to catch on to our little bluff.

"We tell all of our teacher that we're going into a career related to their subject. What we are truly going to do after graduation is go all king of Grey's Anatomy, Scrubs and ER on the world but hotter." Staring at my mirror, I fixed a brow.

\(00,\)(/00,)/

"So," a monotonous coach Sylvester said standing next to her blender, "You want me to put on a musical featuring the glee club so we can show Will Schuster that the club doesn't need him?" I nodded silently waiting for her rage driven rampage. "Porcelain, you just made me a very happy teacher. If I had a penny for every time I dreamed of you or any of your fellow mouth breathers coming to me to mastermind the demise of that curly-haired Lord of the Losers; I'd have as many dollars as nights your little club has been around." She said with her evil smirk, "and that is not including naps."

"Coach, you will be our faculty adviser and co-direct with me. I'll organise a meeting with Figgins so we can get the appropriate paper work filed."

"Excellent, I will enjoy conspiring with you." She said extending her hand forward. I shook it and smiled, this had nothing to do with the destruction of Mr Schue more his… awakening. I walked into the hallway smiling at my small victory.

"What are you so happy about?" Mercedes said hooking on to my right side. "What? Are you and coach Sylvester working on a new routine together?"

"Something like that."

"Oh, Hell to the No! You're not cahoots with her?" I carried on walking to the cafeteria, not giving her an answer. "Are you replacing Quinn as the evil cheerleader?"  
>"No, I most certainly am not an evil Cheerleader! How dare you insinuate such a thing?" I said trying to sound hurt, "Although I am working on this year's musical with coach."<p>

"Did someone say musical?" Rachel said appearing out of nowhere.

"I'm going to get you a cowbell! Because; for someone as obnoxious and loudly dressed as yourself; you are really stealthy!" I said sitting at our table, "but yes you did hear talk of a musical, it's totally a secret, I'll tell you all about it on Monday."

Her face went dark, I think she even started to vibrate- I knew she couldn't take anymore waiting but I was just fine with watching her head explode. "What did you two do to Rachel?" Santana said sitting to my left. "I can't believe you didn't include me!"

"We're making her keep a secret!" Mercedes said with a giggle.

"What is it? Is Kurt pregnant and it's Pucks again?"

"What's mine?" Puck said pulling up a chair, "Aretha, Streisand, Satan and German." He said acknowledging us all individually.

"Well, Rachel is keeping a secret for Kurt and Mercedes-" Santana started with a smirk like no other.

"Did Puck get them pregnant too," Matt asked "because that is the only secret that Rachel has been known to keep for longer than five seconds."

"Kurt is the only Glee Cheerio who hasn't slept with Puck" Mike said as he wolfed down on a handful of tots.

"I'm not sleeping with the German" Puck said with a scowl, "that's like a Jewish no-no."

"Because my ethnicity is what matters right now?"

"Oh my god guys!" Brittany said, sitting down at the table. "Dolphin," the first person to address me directly about this whole debacle, "I heard you're having another baby!" I shook my head in disbelief as she turned to Harmony and congratulated her on 'her newest sibling'.

Suddenly Finn burst into the room with anger on his face, he walked straight up to me and looked me in the eye, "Did Puck get you pregnant?" he said straight-faced.

"Santana, do you see what you're little joke has done?" I said turning to her, "You're the one who started this so you're giving the lesson on anatomy!" I said tapping Mike on the shoulder.

"Are we leaving now?" he said pleadingly, "I still want to spend time with Tina."

"I was going to give you some of the blueberry muffins in my car but whatever." I was getting used to bribing people with my delicious baked goods.

"Asian kiss goodbye." He said grabbing his bag and heading toward the door.

"Au revoir" I said following Mike out.

"Does this mean Mike is the father?" I heard Brittany ask as I walked through the door- I just shook my head disaprovingly.

\(00,\)(/00,)/

When we got to Westerville I was so relieved to get out of the car; between Mike's loud chewing, the terrible radio station he made me listen to and his insistence on the discussion of chemistry; he was just lucky I didn't have my fake ID or I would gone all kinds of April Rhodes on his ass.

"That was quick, how fast did you say we were going?" he said merrily, oblivious of how much I had hated the drive.

"Not fast enough!" I said trying to conceal how often I'd had the urge to drive onto oncoming traffic and kill us both. I charged into the Dalton Academy main hallway just as the bell rung; dressed in our imitation uniform we followed students, signs and each other till I swallowed my pride. "We're lost."

"Well then follow me or you'll miss the Warblers' performance" a little man with big eyebrows said gesturing for us to follow him.

"Thanks" Mike said as we followed him through an empty hallway. I rolled my eyes; so much for a low profile.

"We're new here, so we haven't quite gotten a feel of the lay of the land" I said softly in a slightly deepened voice- an attempt at slight normality.

"You're gonna love the Warblers," the hobbit said cheerfully, "Everyone does and this is their first performance of the year!"

"Isn't that over kill?" Mike asked politely, "It is just show choir!" I chuckled at the comment.

"What? The Warblers are like rock stars!"

"Wow, this school is lamer than I thought" I muttered under my breath.

"What was that?" He said opening the door to a crowded study hall.

"Nothing."

"Well, hold on to your hat" he said slicing through the crowd as the group of boys in the centre of the room started the a cappella intro to an all too familiar song

There he goes  
>My baby walks so slow Sexual tic-tac-toe (Yeah)<br>I know we both know  
>It isn't time, no<br>But could you be m-mine?

We'll never get too far  
>Just you, me and the bar<br>Silly menage a trois, sometimes  
>Would you be m-mine?<br>Would you be m-mine?  
>Would you be m-mine?<p>

Oh baby, light's on  
>But you're mom's not home<br>I'm sick of laying down alone, (hey)  
>With this fever, fever, (yeah)<br>My one and own  
>I wanna get you alone<br>Give you fever, fever, (yeah)

There it goes  
>You stole my so and so<br>'Cause, sweetheart  
>No-no-nobody a-kno-kno-knows me<br>Or can find Time to be m-mine, mine

Let's get inside your car  
>Just you, me and the stars<br>Kind of menage a trois, sometimes  
>Would you be m-mine?<br>Would you be m-mine?  
>Would you be m-mine?<p>

Oh baby, light's on  
>But you're mom's not home<br>I'm sick of laying down alone, (hey)  
>With this fever, fever, (yeah)<br>My one and own  
>I wanna get you alone<br>Give you fever, fever, (yeah)

Yeah yeah yeah Yeah yeah yeah Yeah yeah yeah

You burn me, burn me up  
>Baby yea, yea<p>

Baby you're mine  
>Baby you're mine, (mine, you're mine)<p>

Oh baby, light's on  
>But you're mom's not home<br>I'm sick of laying down alone  
>With this fever, fever, yeah<br>My one and own  
>I wanna get you alone<br>I got this fever that I can't sweat out

Oh baby, light's on  
>But you're mom's not home<br>I'm sick of laying down alone, (hey)  
>With this fever, fever, (yeah)<br>My one and own  
>I wanna get you alone<br>Give you fever, fever, (yeah)

Give you my f-f-fever my f-fever Give you my f-f-fever my f-fever Give you fever, fever, yeah Give you fever, fever, yeah

Then he struck this pose like he was sex on legs, very talented, sectionals was going to be very… trying.

\(00,\)(/00,)/

"We know you two don't go to school here."

"What gave us away? Was it the fact that we're better dressed?" I said turning to the Asian guy stating the obvious, "Now do you mind? I have to thirty crepes that need making."

"Well your failed try at espionage has earned you a date with your truly," the big eye browed dwarf who introduced himself as Blaine said with a smirk, "So when can I pick your brother up Clarence?" he added turning to Mike; I can't believe he fell for that we're adopted brothers thing.

"Well," I said ever so sweetly, "I would rather dive head first into a vat of toxic sewage waste than go on a date with you."

Mike and I then got up and walked away without looking back. Mike was twirling his 'McKinley Titans' key ring like always; I just laughed; "Where to Clarence?"

"Well, home Gilles" he said jabbing me in the ribs as I drove down the highway at seventy-five miles an hour.

"If I kill us both because you keep jabbing me in the ribs, I will make your afterlife hell!" I said jokingly, "Now, I need to get Finn from work so hop into the back." We pulled into the parking lot outside of 'Sheets n Things'; I wonder if the former Mrs Schuster still works here?

"What's up man?" Finn said standing next to the passenger's window; I rolled my eyes at his insistence on calling me all these awful unofficial pronouns.

"Did you bring your car shoes? Or do I need to get the rope out?"

"Rope?" Mike said quizzically.

"If he doesn't have his car shoes then I'll have to drag him behind the car by his ankles with some rope or maybe tie him onto the roof"

"I have them" he said grimacing at my empty threat. I unlocked his door; he hopped onto the seat gently, placing surgical socks over his shoes. "This is the first time I'm riding in one of these!" he was now beaming like the toddler he truly is.

"Well don't touch anything or it'll be the last time you ride in anything!" Queue death glare. Finn swallowed a lump and neither spoke nor moved till we got home- even when we dropped Mike off at school; he sat in his seat silently not even waving goodbye.

\(00,\)(/00,)/

"Well, Kurt that salad sure was… refreshing"

"Dad don't you dare complain, I'm serving a rich desert so we're reducing our calorie intake slightly in the main. A salad with blue cheese AND ham is hardly a light meal." I said as I brought out the Crêpe Suzette, "What did you think of my vinaigrette Carole?" I asked setting the desert on fire.

"It was… tangy" she said as I placed the dessert in front of her.

"You all hated it?" I said forcing the tears to fill my Ariel green eyes.

"No, man the steak was nice" Finn said with his dessert plate held out in front of him.

"Don't sulk Kurt" my father said firmly, "the food was fine, just… unusual."

"I do grill a mean stake don't I?" I said brushing my hair to the side.

"And your Creep Susan is to die for!" I felt my eye twitch.

"Nah ma, it's Crêpe Suzette" Finn said in an accent I couldn't help but laugh at. "This grape juice is good!" he added, I giggled and nodded along even though I was on my second glass of California Red.

"The wine isn't bad either!" Burt said looking at his glass, "How many more glasses am I good for?"

"None, Carole had three so you're driving because I have a slumber party to prepare for and Finn failed his Drivers Licence test again."

"I forgot to put the car in park when I got out." He said blushing, "But Kurt did let me ride in his car today and it is nice Burt."

"Well, Kurt picked it himself." He said between mouthfuls of dessert.

"As fun as this has been I have guests coming in half an hour, so I have to make snacks." I got up and collected the crockery, "Thanks for putting the runway up!" I said to my dad as I placed the first batch of Kurt brownies on a platter. The door bell sounded on the other side of the house, my dad assured me that he had it.

"Assalamu Alaikum," I heard a voice I heard learned to know in a crowd, "Saeed James Rowland, no relation."

"Burt Hummel, relation to Kurt, I guess" I walked into the foyer to find the cutest pyjamas ever! "Kurt, I didn't know you were having boys at this slumber party, I don't feel comfortable leaving this co-ed sleepover unsupervised."

"Daddy, those are Hello Kitty pyjamas."

"What Kurt means is all that's missing from this picture is a rainbow flag."

"Well, I feel more relaxed" he put his hands on my shoulders and looked me in the eye, "I'm trusting you to be responsible, don't let me down."

"Hold up, my dad only let me come because I promised him there'd be adult supervision!"

"Don't look a gift horse in the mouth." I said leading him down the stairs to the basement; he gasped at its size, the runway and the amount of clothes I had on the rack for tonight. "Hang your clothes up with mine," I changed into my cute jumpsuit pyjamas.

"Is that a tail?"

"Yeah, I'm supposed to look like Bambi" I said gesturing to my incredibly short pyjamas; his disapproving monologue was interrupted by the obnoxious knocking that could only be Mercedes.

"Hurry up white boy, this nighty is short and your neighbour is giving me a look I can't shake!"

"Joey! Close that window and stop being such a peeping-tom!" I said as I guided Cedes and Santana into the foyer, "Ladies, I hope you brought your best wear."

"Only way we does it!" Santana said pushing Mercedes off me, "Give me some sugar afores I ends you!" as she was puckering her lips I was saved by the bell, the poetic justice of the moment was simply laugh. Brittany and Harmony were at the door in bunny and kitty ears respectively, I was complementing them on their adorable outfits when Rachel ruined the moment with a terrible knee-length nightdress with a crucified teddy bear on the front.

"Did someone say 'Animal themed sleepwear'?"

"I did but now I regret it!" I scoffed dropping the cheetah covered arm Santana was showing me. "Go downstairs before I throw-up."

"Only person missing now is Quinn" Tina said softly.

"What did I tell you about using your Asian vampire powers around me?"

"Not to, you might go-go in your pants!"

"Now everyone down stairs, I'll wait for Quinn and then we'll bring down the treats. Saeed will show you where to put your clothes."

"I don't know why you invited her." Santana scoffed unhappily.

"I don't know why he invited you!" Mercedes said defensively, "Quinn apologised!"

"Do you want to go? I will go all kinds of cheetah on your zebra ass!"

"Bring it biatch" they screeched as they descended to the warzone that is my bedroom. I prepped my pitcher of virgin daiquiris and started the popcorn maker. I considered making the mimosa ice-cream we had in Florida, which would totally get this party started, the 'ding-dong' at the door pulled me from my deep thought.

"Miss Fabray, your punctuality is exemplary" I said mockingly, "you better have a very good excuse!"

"Well, I was trying to find a pair of animal pyjamas at the mall-"

"Enough said, love the puppy dog effect now carry this!" I said handing her the popcorn bowl and pointing toward the stairs.

"I like the Bambi feel you're working too!" She said as we reached the first landing, "I think the tail is just too cute."

"Only way I do it" I said turning to face the rack with over a hundred outfits hanging on it, "Ladies, are you ready to have the time of your lives?" I said putting down the food. I put on the music- Beyoncé, obviously. "First thing on tonight's agenda is a dress-up like no other. It's time to put your 'freakum Dress' on!" and as queued everyone dived into the giant pile of clothes, the first to surface was Tina, squeezed into my too long jeans and a hooch-halter top that I think was belonged to Santana. Brittany emerged dressed in one of Mercedes graphic T-shirts and a pair of my boots; Saeed was dressed in Quinn's polka dot sundress and looking fabulous as ever in my white turban. Then Santana and I had an awkward moment where we were both dressed in animal sweaters, over-the-top blouses and plaid miniskirts.

"Bitch stole my look!" I huffed pulling my knee-highs up.

"You know I should look like a deranged toddler in this carousel horse sweater but I look smart and sexy," Santana said putting a plaid Alice band on her head. "I feel like Michelle Obama!"

"I know I love that look on you!" I added as she put a headband on my no longer quaffed hair.

"Wait a second!" Rachel said in an outfit that looked like she had sponged everything else that was left behind, "You said you hated it when I wore it last week!"

"Well you looked whack in it." Mercedes said undressing Rachel slowly, taking my Marc Jacobs jacket and putting it over Saeed's button down Ralph Lauren shirt and leather skirt courtesy of Brittany.

"Brittany put on some pants, that is way too much skin!" Quinn objected tossing a pair of my shorts at her; she ignored them and went straight for Harmony's pencil skirt.

"Now I look like Rachel!" she said putting on the formal skirt, "My outfit makes no sense…"

"Mine is an homage to Kurt's outfit on Wednesday," Harmony said stepping forward- in that moment I was proud Brittany called her my daughter, she was wearing my too-tight jeans with a knee-length sweater I didn't know I still had and a pair of riding boots. She took a step forward; almost falling out of my too big boots.

"You look even more like Kurt, I didn't know that was possible" Quinn said pushing her hair from her face.

"I told you, I'm not the only one who sees it!" Brittany's celebration party was interrupted by the doorbell.

"Can anyone say buffalo wings?" at just the mention of food everyone was upstairs, still in our ridiculous outfits.

"I can smell them already!" Quinn said salivating, "Citrusy."

"Oh no that's my moisturizer, smells like grapefruit." I said with giggle, I opened the door to disappointment.

"Surprise!" The group of boys said before they all gasped- with Matt fake fainting. "Oh my gosh why are you dressed like Rachel?" Finn finally added in a shocked tone.

"Because we were hoping these outfits would get us free wings!" Santana said appearing next to me.

* * *

><p><strong>Songs: Fever - Adam Lambert (Blaine and the Warblers)<strong>


	7. Chapter 7

Up the Drama

**A/N: A short chapter, Puck POV. A little bit of drama ahead but on the bright side I chose my pairing but thats still far off... Enjoy**! 3

I was a little freaked out when Kurt answered the door looking like Rachel. Kurt's appearance is like the fourth most important thing in his life. I know only three things he'd put above his physical appearance: His dad, His friends and his school work. Once I asked him help me with algebra when he had plans for shopping, he was at my house in twenty minutes.

"Did you guys see the wings guy?" He asked leaning on the door frame.

"We are hungry as fuck, and these Rachels aren't vegan" Quinn said in an equally Rachelesque outfit.

"No, but why are you all dressed like Rachel?" Matt asked staring deeply into Santana's chest for the answer.

"Well, we always exchange clothes at these soirees of mine but Rachel generally isn't invited so this is our first chance to get into these ridiculous carousel horse sweaters" Kurt said adjusting his headband, "Why do you like it?"

"Saying I like it would be a lie" Matt said looking at the variety of crazy outfits, "but saying I like them on all of you would be nothing but the absolute truth!"

"Speaking of Absolute" I said digging into the bag of 'treats' I had, "Who wants Screwdrivers? Rich in vitamin C and Absolute Classic!"

"Now you're talking Puckerman!" Santana said with a wicked smile, "Wait before you come in… someone's missing, but whom?"

"Well," Finn said scratching his head, "Since Karofsky isn't our frie-"

"You guys didn't invite Dave?" Kurt said with a death glare that made the blood flow away from my face if you know what I mean.

"I'll call him," Mike said slicing the tension, "That's what brothers are for!"

"You do that whilst Santana and I go mix some _100 Wall banger _and some _Long Island Ice-tea_." I was experiencing a slight ting of jealousy at the blossoming friendship of Mike and Kurt; why?

"Brother? Mike, why is Kurt your brother?" Finn asked pouting.

"Well, Tina is like his sister. It's more brothers-in-law" Mike said defensively. It made sense, easing my jealousy but why the fuck was I jealous? I sat on the leather couch, thinking about what this meant for me.

"Do I smell truth or dare?" Brittany said; the room was filled with murmurs.

"I'll play" Santana said putting a pitcher of orange liquid on the side table, "I am fearless after all!"

"I want to go first!" 'Beyoncé' said waltzing up to Santana and getting all up in her grill, "Truth or Dare?"

"Let's start slowly, Truth!"

"Well, is Puckerman as good in bed as he claims to be?" he said with a wicked grin on his face, I couldn't help but blush.

"Oh, shit! You don't waste anytime Junior," Karofsky said strolling in with Kurt; it earned him a laugh from the room. He sat next to me after exchanging awkward greetings with his past victims.

"So, Answer the Question Tana, is he?" Britney asked knowingly. Santana poured a glass of liquor and took a big sip, she took a deep breath.

"Honestly, not as good as he claims to be!" I came like a punch in the gut, what was she on? My guns are amazing and Puckzilla is a monster! But then she started talking again. "He is an animal in the sack just not as good as he claims to be."

"Having made-out or slept with everyone at school he is the second best guy I've been with."

"Wait, who's the best?" Tina asked softly.

"I didn't pick truth… but I do want to go next"

"Well… Truth or Dare?" Quinn asked.

"Hmmm… Truth!" She said happily, I couldn't help but laugh.

"Who is the best guy you've ever had?" she asked rolling her eyes.

"Kurt" she said smiling

"Me?"

"Liz?"

"Hot" I said softly, Karofsky chuckled.

"You kissed a girl?" he finally mustered after his fit of laughter subsided.

"We still do it regularly" Brit said still beaming with joy.

"Come on," Santana said irritation at the tip of her tongue, "Are you telling me you haven't seen 'One, Two, Three-way'?"

"What?"

"Boy, you are missing out on the hottest thing this year!" Matt said.

"Hotter than 'Glitter & Grease'?" Artie asked.

"Hold up, you best not be perving on my boy!" Mercedes said scaring me shitless, I didn't like the way they were discussing Kurt like he was a Scarlet Lady of sorts.

"Well, Mercedes, truth or dare?" Finn said warily.

"Dare," She said intimidating him, me and everyone with eyes.

"I dare you to… chug that whole pitcher of Ice-tea."

"Childs play!" she grabbed the pitcher and started to chug the dark liquid. I kept waiting for her to splutter or choke but she kept going and going and going.

"How?" Mike asked in awe.

"Jaw-dropping notes don't just happen, my lungs are amazing!"

"Truth or Dare, Finn?" Rachel asked.

"Truth"

"Do you love me?"

"Of Corse" and then they kissed.

"Well, that was awful!" Kurt said with disgust lacing his voice. "Truth or Dare Rachel?"

"Truth," She whispered softly; lightweight.

"Is it true that you're a self-entitled bitch who is faking the whole vegan thing and-"

"Kurt please, I-"

"Bitch let me finish!" he said giving her a glare like no other, "Now where was I? You were spotted eating wings at that diner at the edge of town?"

"Why are you doing this to me? What have I ever done to you?" Berry's eyes were like filled with tears. I didn't even want to know what the hell was going on.

"You never did shit to me, I just don't like you're ass! Well I was beginning to tolerate you but I busted my ass baking shit I don't like because I felt bad about the brownies when you were just faking it! Now you can kiss my sexy ass!"

"Don't talk to her like that!" Finn said playing some fucking hero; like always, then I saw Kurt's pretty blue eyes turn red for like a second.

"Don't get me started Finn" I was scared and oddly turned on at this point. "I think Rachel must quit her little act and try just being human!"

"Why do you have to be so jealous of-"

"Jealous, me?" Kurt was on a roll; everyone was watching the show and chowing down on snacks with drinks in hand. "I can write an amazing song, I have a great vocal range, I've got perfect grades and friends but you are no one and nothing!"

"You're jealous that Finn loves me! You thought that if you could create a rift between Quinn and Finn, he'd be yours but he chose me!"

"Oh, so I'm jealous of your boyfriend?" he said cocking his head, "Well I'll be a monkey's uncle! Bitch, I can do better! Heck, you could do better!"

"Well, I'm sorry I don't throw myself around and I'm not on the internet having a three-way with our schools biggest whores." She said standing up, eyes still fixated on Kurt. I saw Brit's face twist, tears started filling her eyes; Santana took a lung toward Rachel but Karofsky stopped her attack mid-air.

"How dare she say that about Brit?" She was screaming, "Sweet innocent Brittany!" Karofsky was trying to calm both of them down, with soft coos of reassurance.

"Don't worry, I also feel sorry for you too!" He said standing up to tower over her. "You're pathetic and you're gonna end up just like Mr Schue, living vicariously through a high school show choir!"

"At least, I'm not trying to hit up Karofsky!" What did that bitch say, Kurt and Karofsky? Kurtofsky? Never!

"At least I'm pretty!"

"At least I have my dignity!"

"Fucking lot of good that's doing you!"

"Enough Kurt!" Finn's face was scrunched up, "Stop bullying Rachel!"

"First of all; you best not raise your voice when you speak to me! Secondly; you're picking now to stand up against bullying? You couldn't have done it the day I wore my cashmere Micheal Kors sweater?" Kurt stood still and took a deep breath for a second, "thirdly; why the fuck should I stop? Rachel needs to pull herself together! You need to get out of my way so I can tell her what else is wrong with her"

"No!"

"Fine by me!" within a second Matt was holding Kurt back as he tried to swing a punch at Finn. "You best step off! You two act like you run this club but you know what? You're reign will end!" by this point Finn and Rachel were both in tears and heading upstairs. Kurt stood still for a second, fixed his hair and straightened his clothes; "Please excuse my inappropriate behaviour, I didn't mean to blow up like that, excuse me for a moment whilst I get us more drinks"

"Let me help you," I offered politely following him upstairs. Kurt mumbled something about the pantry and disappeared for a while; I got sick of waiting for him to come back so I went looking for him. We walked up to the kitchen whilst I thought about what I'd been feeling all day meant, what has gotten into me? Kurt went off to the pantry whilst I recomposed myself… I'm going to tell him.

First I have to find him! "Kurt?" I called out as I looked around the unfamiliar kitchen for a pantry door, I could hear soft sobs but I couldn't place where they were coming from, "Kurt" I cooed softly. I stopped in front of what I had identified as the pantry; I had to be careful not to startle him; he was feeling vulnerable.

"Give me a moment," He said holding the door shut, I could hear the soft snivels and sobs- that blow-up had taken a lot out of him, Rachel said some hurtful things. Like a gentleman I waited, I waited till he was ready; I waited till he slowly opened the door.

"I have a couple of things to say;" He nodded. I took a deep breath, "I'm sorry I totally over reacted about the whole German vs. Jew thing," his red rimmed eyes looked at me in a very probing fashion then he simply nodded. "I want you to know I think Berry is all kinds of crazy and nowhere near as hot or as talented as you," this time he giggled, blushed and then nodded. "I also want to say something else but it seems like it is best expressed through song."

Tell me you've had trouble sleeping  
>That you toss and turn from side to side<br>That it's my face you've been seeing  
>In your dreams at night<p>

My voice was soft, a sultry whisper but not at all sexual.

Tell me that you wake up crying  
>And you're not sure exactly why<br>Tell me that something is missing  
>In your life, in your life baby<p>

In this moment when I was whispering a song that told my story better than I ever could; I looked deep into those blue-green eyes and saw a glimpse of the Kurt I once knew, the old Kurt.

Tell me that you live for love  
>That forever is never enough<br>That you've waited all your life to see  
>That you want so badly to believe<br>Tell me that it's not just me

I could have sworn I saw you smile at me  
>Standing in the pouring rain<br>At a loss for words and running out of time  
>I said this crazy thing (crazy thing), I said<p>

Tell me that you live for love  
>That forever is never enough<br>That you've waited all your life to see  
>That you want so badly to believe<br>Tell me that it's not just me

Hold me now and tell me that you do believe  
>In a soul, a soul mate<br>And tell me, and tell me, tell me

Tell me that you live for love  
>That forever is never enough<br>That you've waited all your life to see  
>That you want so badly to believe<br>Tell me that it's not just me

As I finished singing my message to him; I opened my eyes to see Kurt staring at me with wide eyes, close enough for me to touch. I extended my arm ever so slightly feeling the soft as velvet porcelain skin under the tips of my fingers; I leaned in close and kissed his forehead then tilted his head upwards and dove into a deep gentle passion filled kiss, he rested his hand on my bicep during the most amazing nine seconds of my life. Brittany was right; this is beyond anything I've ever experienced. I pulled back when heaven retreated; I felt a sharp pain across my face as I looked at Kurt, back in full swing.

"Don't you like me?"

"You have to buy me dinner before you can have dessert!" Kurt said with sass that made Mercedes seem like a house cat. He fixed his hair and walked out of the pantry; I was left with the memory of the best ten seconds of my life, all I could do was lean on the wall, fall to my knees and thank my main man.

* * *

><p><strong>Songs: It's not just me- Rascal Flatts (Puck)<br>**


	8. Chapter 8

Up the Drama

**A/n: I kinda felt bad for what i did to Rachel so I'm fixing it... Having fun with a trip to the mall toda-eh-ay...  
><strong>

After nursing a killer hangover- I got from drinking last night away- for a good part of the morning I finally came to the conclusion that I had nothing to wear to my brunch with Oma. I had spent all morning throwing-up and sweating my hangover on the treadmill; I needed to get out of the house. After giving it very little thought because it's like my default, I decided to go shopping. I also decided this was a great opportunity to tell 'Cedes and Tina about what happened last night.

**Let's go shopping, my treat! **Knowing all too well they might not bounce back as quickly as I do; after all I am far more experienced! After pacing for about five minutes and considering calling Santana my phone finally vibrated giving me a sense of relief, 'Cedes was the first to reply.

**You had me Shopping! **I gaped at the fact that she was up to this, after an entire pitcher of Long Island. I knew that she was strong but my already excessive respect for the girl trebled in that moment. While I was typing my reply my phone went off again.

**Nothing gets rid of a hangover like shopping! **The ever reliable Tina was in; this was going to be a shopping trip just like we used to do last year. I started rummaging around the recently vacuumed basement for my wallet, 'where did I put that thing?' I asked myself.

**Pick u up in 10, C U l8r. **Retail therapy would sooth the anger and let me think straight about all of last night; I needed to figure out which of it was real and which of it was an alcohol driven hallucination because I swear there was a point where I was making out with a lawn gnome. I found my wallet and was on my way to the door when I realized that I'd left my keys in the basement.

\(00,\)(/00,)/

"So Tina, give me a rundown of what I did last night," I remember Santana suggesting I down the bottle of rum and some of her brownies, "because sometime between dressing like Rachel and the boys arrive I blacked out."

"Wait, you mean you don't remember playing truth or dare?" she said with worry splashed on her face. Me? playing truth or dare drunk was trouble because I was everybody's confidant which meant there was a definite possibility that I had ruined a couple of live.

"I have a trace idea of what I did," I said pulling into Mercedes' drive way; "But I'm not sure how much of it was real."

"What's good?" Mercedes said bouncing merrily into the back seat, "I told Junior we'd pick him up in five."

"Why do you and Dave call him that?"

"Poor young Tina," 'Cedes said shaking her head; "It's because Kurt is already the group fashion diva and Saeed is just a younger version of that!"

"Really?" I had never heard that story. Mercedes nodded like she had just explained the secret to String Theory.

"Anyway, what was up with you last night?" Mercedes said disapproving of my apparently less than perfect behavior.

"That's what I want to know!" I knew now that I must have done some crazy things if Mercedes was questioning me about it. I really at this point just hope that most of what I think I remember was in my head.

"Let's just say potty-mouth Kurt came for a visit," I nodded; I knew I was a sloppy drunk but worse than that I was an angry, mean, aggressive drunk which wasn't pleasant to witness.

"Then you had a go at Rachel and Finn for-" my mind started reeling with the newly renewed memory.

"Shit! That was real?"

"Real as my beautiful self!" I hit my head against the staring wheel when I pulled up to the curb in front of Saeed's house- Artie was not joking when he said they were neighbours, they're houses are feet from each other. Shit, Shit, Shit! I need Rachel for the next step of my plan… I'll get Santana to help me win her over again. I guess my irritation with her for nosing into my business must have subconsciously carried over into the night.

"What's cooking ladies?"

"Well, Kurt doesn't remember being a bitchy drunk!"

"Don't joke!"

"I really don't!" I said blushing, I turned my attention to Tina; I knew I'd probably put my foot in mouth and fucked everything up; "Then what?"

"Well, you excused your behavior and went to get drinks with Puck."

"Was that after, I wrestled with Dave?"

"Nope, before." Saeed said with a giggle.

"After like… forever; you came back recomposed but Puck looked as confused as ever." I had to say all of this was news to me. "Then you made out with Brittany for like an hour!" That seems like normal drunk behavior…

"Then you sat on Arties lap and asked him to wheel your around for a while."

"Then you asked Mike if you could grate cheese on his abs for your quiche!" Tina sounded slightly irritated by this.

"Sorry!"

"Then when Sam and Quinn were getting… intimate you kept telling him he'd get 'Jennifer Dropped', what does that even mean?"

"Oh, shit… they didn't understand did they?"

"No, they thought it was a threat!" Saeed said seeming thoroughly amused by my far from perfect behavior.

"But what does it mean?"

"You remember when Brad was with Jen?" They nodded, I loved to share this theory with people "Then he met Angie and dropped Jen so fast her head was spinning"

"That surprisingly makes sense… but what does it have to do with Sam and Quinn?"

"Everything I say makes sense!" I said defensively. I gave it a seconds thought and finally remembered why I'd even bring that up, "It's complicated." And for now it's a secret.

"Oh, yes! Like wanting to grate cheese on Mike's abs?"

"Your man is abtastic!" Mercedes said, an 'uhuh' of agreement from Saeed.

"His abs are some fine architecture!"

"What else did I do?"

"Well you put on Artie's glasses and went on about 'how amazing the 3D movie is' and how it felt just like being on the moon."

"What were you on?"

"A bottle of Rum and Santana's pot Brownies to start with," I said shyly when I realised how that wasn't my wisest idea, "But then I kept going with the booze…"

"How many brownies did you have?"

"Two… maybe five?"

"You stupid white boy!" Mercedes said slapping me upside the head, "Do you know how dangerous that stuff is?"

"Not very" Tina said in a matter of fact tone.

"Yes, but that is beside the point; you did some dumb things yesterday!"

"And I will correct them all on Monday but for now, I'm going shopping!" I plugged in my iPod with our shopping play list ready to go.

Let's go to the mall everybody! Go!

We screamed with glee at the sound of what might be the funniest song ever…

C'mon Jessica, C'mon Tori  
>let's go to the mall you won't be sorry.<br>Put on your jelly-bracelets  
>and your cool graffiti-coat<br>at the mall havin' fun is what it's all about.

I haven't done my homework yet... (That's okay.)  
>And you know how my parents get... (Whatever.)<br>I don't care 'cause all my friends are gonna be there

Everybody come and play  
>Throw every last care away<br>Let's go to the mall...  
>Today.<p>

Chloe, mouse, I love it.

There's this boy I like  
>Met him at the food court.<br>He's got hair like Brettsy  
>and he does jumps on his skateboard.<p>

I hope he asks me out  
>take me to my favourite spot.<br>It'll be just him and me.  
>But don't forget the robot.<p>

Dad says I'm too young to date. (Lame)  
>But baby I don't wanna wait. (I don't wanna wait)<br>Let's do it.  
>That's okay I'm gonna rock your body anyway.<br>I'm gonna rock your body till the Canada Day.

Everybody come and play  
>Throw every last care away<br>Let's go to the mall...  
>Today.<p>

I went to the mall with a couple of friends.  
>I had a whole week's allowance to spend.<br>I want hoop earrings and a Benetton shirt.  
>We came here to shop and we came here to flirt.<br>I turned around and who should I see?  
>Prime Minister Brian Mulrooney.<br>He said, "Young lady I don't approve."  
>So I had to get down and bust trés sweet moves.<br>Hey Fred...c'mon...let's go to the mall!

Let's go to the mall everybody!

Everybody come and play  
>Throw every last care away<br>Let's go to the mall...  
>Today.<p>

Everybody loves the mall!  
>Everybody come and play<br>Yeah!  
>Throw every last care away<br>I love my hoop earrings.  
>Let's go to the mall...<br>Today.

Today… (Let's go to the mall.)  
>Today… (Let's go to the mall.)<p>

We pulled into the mall four songs later; I was had one thing in mind for the moment- finding something to wear tomorrow. I was going to lie in the bed I made later…

"Well in the warm September weather, what does one wear to brunch?" Tina asked.

"I'd go with a pastel sweater, Italian collar and a nice pair of slacks traditionally a brunch outfit, understated yet extremely stylish." Saeed suggested confidently.

"I'm meeting a woman who writes a column called 'What were you thinking?' for Elle!" I said without looking away from the cute Alexander McQueen jacket, "She thinks she's the queen of fashion; understated no matter how tasteful just won't do."

"Well, what do you wear to brunch with the queen of fashion?"

"This jacket is calling my name;" I said picking out my size.

"What do you even wear that with?"

"Saeed James Rowland…" I said grabbing his hands and staring deep into his soul.

"No Relation" Tina and 'Cedes chimed in.

"Today I will teach you how to go from the commercial fashion of mass produced clothing to the artistry that is high fashion day wear;" I said leaning closer to his face. The distance or lack thereof brought back the memory of musky men's deodorant with a distinct undertone of mahogany. I went around the store picking out pieces at what seemed to be random.

"Put this… and this… oh, and this on with this!" then I stood back and waited for the result. Saeed appeared in a pair of white Ralph Lauren skinny jeans, a white shirt with a spaced powder blue check by Tommy Hilfiger, the dark blue corduroy Alexander McQueen Jacket and a pair of black loafers. "Something is missing," I gave it a moment's thought and then handed him a brass studded belt; "Looks great on you but not quite enough for tomorrow."

"Do you need any help sir?" the store attendant said politely.

"I know my way around this store! I'm a valued shopper!"

"Sure you are…"

"Don't make me call Reginald just to have you fired," I said fixing an imaginary stray hair, "Now vacate my space!" the clueless boy was gone within the first word. I circled the store once more looking for a more appropriate outfit.

\(00,\)(/00,)/

After hours of shopping- I had bought every wrong outfit, the 'girls' had got a couple of pieces I foresaw as staples for the fall and I had found a couple of pieces I thought I could integrate well into Carole's wardrobe but still no perfect outfit! Then I walked by a display that showed me a peak at the future… not entirely but it did tell me where we weren't heading!

"I've got it!"

"Did you just have a Fashion Einstein moment?" giggled Tina with a wicked smile on her face.

"Let's just say I've seen into the future and it wears turn-ups!" I said with appropriate over dramatic hand gestures.

"I think our boy just flipped his cap!" Mercedes said forcing me back up to my feet and firmly moving my arms to a position where they ran parallel to my body. "Let's find us some turn-ups and go home! My head is killing me and that jug of Long Island isn't helping the matter."

"I know just what you mean about turn-ups," Saeed said with a dazzled expression on his face; "They're the fine line between casual and formal!"

"I know! It's like two pairs of pants in one."

"This conversation about pants is kind of creepy," Tina said with a gentle nudge on my shoulder.

"Let me get my pants so I can go home and sleep!"

\(00,\)(/00,)/

As I finished cramming the last of my shopping into my now to full hall closet; 'The Royal penis is clean sire' my phone said from across the room, to say I was surprised by the profanity would be an understatement. I knew there was a chance my father had heard it; I grabbed it and in an instance I knew this wasn't my doing; 'Puck' was written on the screen. I contemplated answering as the song became more and more vulgar.

"I'm going to kill you!" I screeched shutting my bedroom door.

"Hello to you too!"

"Why did you change the ring tone I assigned you?" I said in hushed tone, paranoid by the possibility that my dad might have heard that.

"I felt this one was more appropriate…"

"Yeah, because my dad didn't want to kill you enough before!"

"I kinda didn't factor that minuscule detail into the equation"

"Ooh, big words;" I could just imagine the cocky smirk on his face so I decided it was time to cut him down to size, "Compensating for something?"

"That's just cold!" he said trying his best to sound dejected- His acting was as good as that of any toddler.

"Now, why were you calling?" I asked sounding very irritated.

"I want to talk about what happened yesterday…"

"Why? Do I have to apologize to you too?" I really was dreading all the apologizing I would have to do, "How did I make you cry?"

"You don't remember?"

"Well, I was pretty plastered"

"Then it doesn't matter right now."

"If you say so…"

"I do." So hung-up and my way back into the kitchen for some OJ

"Who was that?" I was startled, clutching my chest and letting my heart slow down while I thought of a way to throw him off my scent.

"Oh my god! Why must you be so stealthy?" I asked standing up straight and fixing my hair.

"I'm not stealthy; I've been sitting here reading the paper." He said with a small smile, "Now, who was that on the phone?"

"No one important," I said turning to face the refrigerator, playing it cool, "Where is the Orange juice?"

"Here it is, next to your old dad." His smile now wicked, I tried tom grab it over the island but my human length arms failed- where's Finn when you need his freakish size. "Now sit down and we can have an adult conversation…"

"What for?" I asked innocently, giving his that look I gave him after I destroyed his car.

"Well, as old as I may be… my hearing isn't quite failing yet." He gave me a knowing look.

I continued my charade, "What did you here?" my voice soft high and youthful.

"Do you want me to repeat it?" I was silent, I knew he'd do it but if I play coy long enough he'd grow tired.

"Was it a bad word?" he gave me a look that said 'how dumb do you think I am?'

As he opened his mouth to start talking he was interrupted by the same vulgar statement that started this entire debacle. He shot me a look that burned into my soul.

"Is that your or mi… not?" he just shook his head. I answered the phone, "I'm in trouble and it's entirely your fault! I don't want to talk to you right now!" I then hung-up and turned to my dad whose face was read- I couldn't tell if it was anger or embarrassment.

"Is it a boy?" he asked; his eyes staring into mine, begging for the truth.

"Like I said; it's no one, the girls must have changed my ring tone as a prank."

"I trust you Kurt so don't… don't do anything stupid okay?"

"Why does every conversation we have turn into a mush fest?" he just chuckled softly, hands still firmly on my shoulders. "Okay, I promise!"

"Do you want to hug it out?"

"Not really…"

"Daddy's little princess doesn't want a hug?" he said staring at me with his big gray eyes; laying a guilt trip on me.

"Fine, but make it quick!" I said acting like the memory of him calling me a princess as I commanded he push the swing higher and as I rode my bike side saddle. He pulled me into a warm hug that smelled like car grease mixed with the citrus scent of the complementary Hummel Tires & Lube air freshener that I convinced him to start giving out- put the last of his local competition out of business by the end of the month.

"I love you! You're always so smart."

"I love you too even though you're just saying that cause your my dad."

"I am!" He said sarcastically, "You're as dumb as a brick." He joked… I didn't laugh just to spite him.

* * *

><p><strong>Songs: Lets all go to the mall- Robin Sparkles [How I met your mother] (Kurt, Mercedes, Tina and Saeed singing along)<br>**


End file.
